• May222015

    POSTED AT 12:51 PM

    We, the Students of the class of 2016, in order to form a more perfect class in room 268, hereby declare these rules essential to survival in AP Lang/Composition with Mrs. Hernandez. Heed the warnings, or forever pay the price.
    1. You have no first name, but always write your name first.
    2. Your pen is your best friend, so bring two.
    3. Always bring a watch, because she does NOT believe in clocks.
    4. Annotate, Participate, and don't Procrastinate.
    5. She likes BIG BUTS and we cannot lie.
    6. No excuses, no touching, no laughing, no hugging.
    7. Ten seconds is all you got, so have your work out on the spot.
    8. Take your time, clean your slate, don't worry she will wait.
    9. Don't write in big lumps, answer the damn prompt.
    10. To keep your essay from about to crash, learn to use the enddash.
    11. The bell doesn't exist, so don't think it dismiss.

    Be prepared for next year, because we had to learn this while we were here. Now that you know Hernandez's classrom flow, leave your crap at the door, you are sophomores no more. You have formally been served by Fire Squad class of '16. And remember, she likes you more than you think, but she hates "YOU."

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    POSTED AT 08:59 AM

    Here lies 5th period...
    If you're reading this it's too late...But it's not too late for...(dramatic pause) DEEZ NOTES!!!

    To our young successors we leave these as our last will and testiments,

    She hates "you" (wink, wink). Respect the floor. Dont be afraid to speak first; she dislikes us all equally, but if you join Zumba, she MIGHT hate you slightly less. Don't touch the paper without permission. Time is definite, regardless of whether or not you wrote your name, so don't forget to bring a watch to class. Don't ever ask about grades, use Home Access.Shes probably not being saracstic, and neither are we. (Dont be offended)Never throw projectiles and dont eat or drink her class. Don't overthink think the work becasue the best way to understand is to try your best. Chun Chun *finger bend* really hurts but be patient and dont give up. Dont be afraid to contact Mrs. Hernandez she will respond immediately and she answers Facetime calls. Mrs. Hernandez will take everything you have including but not limited to: headphones, gum, phones, energy and sleep. Just take it day by day.

    P.S. Under no circumstances, shall you EVER touch Mrs. Hernandez. If she has on her bookbag, ignore it. Do not ask her anything. And finally, dont believe any field trip for Mrs. Hernandez is a real field trip. You will end up in the copy room.

    "All things can be done through Mrs. Hernandez, who strengthens me."
    -5th period
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    POSTED AT 11:43 AM

    The following is an excerpt from the AP Lang Holy Book.

    There are ten things that one must know in order to be successful in AP Language and Composition. They are more than just rules, they
    are commandments, and they are as follows:

    1. Thou shall respect the floor.

    2. Thou shall avoid using the word "you"

    3. Procrastinatith not.

    4. Thou shall be well versed in the usage of rhetorical devices.

    5. Thou shall beware the Book Monster, who is an illiterate being that resides
    in the classroom. (Book Monster is known to bargain with airheads)

    6. The bell shan't dismiss thou, but if time permits, it will maketh thou late.

    7. Thou shall complete the summer assignment.

    8. Thou shall purchase paper clips, for staples are prohibited.

    9. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s work.

    10. Thou must remember that the timer is always running.

    If all of these commandments are obeyed, you may find that at the end of the year Hernandez may slightly dislikes you less. Remember the
    AP test date, for all year long you will study and practice, but that day is one you must hold in remembrance.

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    POSTED AT 10:51 AM

    Dear Rising Juniors,

    Welcome to AP Language and Composition with Mrs. Hernandez (*cue dramatic
    music*). This is one step closer to getting out of Westlake High. This is
    Junior year, so now is the time to buckle down and put in that work. We're sure
    that there are so many fears and concerns about this class, so we are here to
    help out. It may seem like a lot at first, but we promise it is not that
    difficult. Here are some pieces of advice:

    1. Minimize immaturity in the classroom. Fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds don't
    act childish.

    2. Mrs. Hernandez is sarcastic, but don't take it personally. You will be

    3. She will more than likely not know first names. We go by last names.

    4. ALWAYS bring a pen.

    5. Sign up for Remind on a cell phone or e-mail. She sends a lot of imformation
    through Remind including homework.

    6. Get (or use) a G-mail account. Hotmail, Yahoo! Mail and other irrelevant
    e-amil servers are for losers (We said we're going to judge).

    7. The following will not be accepted:

    a. Papers not written in MLA Format with the correct heading (Name, Teacher's
    Name, Class, Date, Title (Centered); in that order)

    b. Papers written in pencil

    c. Papers written in any color ink other than dark blue or black

    d. Papers that are stapled

    e. Papers that are turned in late (Pay attention to all deadlines).

    f. Papers that contain the word you.
    That's an automatic 50%. I hate you.
    We hate you. Mrs.
    Hernandez hates you. Learn to
    hate you.

    8. Do all assignments in their entirety. Not everything will go in the
    gradebook, but sometimes she picks random assignments.

    9. Speaking of grades, don't speak of grades. She will not tell you. Home
    access exists for a reason.

    10. Secure all electronic devices. Don't let her see headphones or cell phones at any point. If she says all
    items up front, that means EVERYTHING!

    11. Remember to use critical thinking skills on every assignment.

    12. Start all assignments early. Don't wait until the night before, or tears
    will be shed.

    13. Read all assigned books. SparkNotes is for clarification, not education.

    14. Don't be afraid to interact in class. You won't be judged (unless you say
    something dumb).

    15. Don't be afraid to fail. This is a skill class. One can only progress from

    16. Don't let your name end up on the board.

    17. Always ask questions. There is a such thing as a dumb question.

    18. Annotate. No exceptions. Just annotate.

    Throughout the year, make sure you keep an open mind. It will be okay. This
    class won't kill anybody (trust us, we're still alive). Make sure you learn all
    you can. This class is designed to prepare you for the test and that is exactly
    what it's going to do.

    Good luck,

    Class of 2016

    P.S. Get used to the following phrases: "I am confused and baffled."
    "*Hangs head in shame*" "Chn-chn (You'll hear what that sounds
    like later)" "Write to Express, not Impress." "No
    touching." "Stranger Danger." "None of that."
    "I'll wait-- I'll wait for you." "Stop, drop your pens on the
    floor." "Please look up inspiration, down in desperation, but not to
    the side for information. Please keep your eyes on your own paper."
    "I'm judging you." "I'm watching you."

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