• Feb162011
    Shoplifting

    POSTED AT 12:26 PM

     
    After returning from shopping, Dad discovered that his ten-year-old son, Tony, had a new music CD. It was later revealed that Tony had shoplifted.
     
    Dad immediately took his son back to the store and met with the store's assistant manager so that Tony could confess his actions and return the merchandise. To Dad's dismay, the manager let Tony off easy.
     
    "Ah, Tony, that's ok. You're a cute kid for confessing like that. You better watch it in the future. You could get into big trouble for shoplifting."
     
    As you can guess, Tony learned nothing from the incident and stole two more CD's the following month.
     
    Dad learned his lesson. Don't take a chance. Call ahead. Dad called the manager saying, "Your assistant manager let Tony off the hook last time. Please make this very uncomfortable for Tony." Dad and the manager made a plan.
     
    The manager made Tony wait on a chair outside his office for over an hour. After that he gave Tony choices: dealing with the police or paying a fine and spending three hours holding a sign at the entrance. It was a sign that said, "SHOPLIFTING IS UNLAWFUL."
     
    Tony chose the fine and spent his next Saturday morning standing out in the cold with his sign. In addition to the $50 fine, Tony had to pay for the CD's, which was a bitter pill for him to swallow after discovering that he didn't even like the music after hearing his CD's.
     
    Dad Uses the Energy Drain Technique
    Dad picked Tony up after his sign-holding morning with, "Wow, Tony, you look beat. We'd better get you home for some lunch."
     
    On the way home he added, "Now that this is over, you need to know that I've spent a lot of time, energy, and worry on it. I didn't get to do some of my household jobs. Think it over tonight, and let me know which of my jobs you'd like to do to replace my energy."
     
    Listen to Love and Logic Magic When Kids Drain Your Energy and master the art of using the "Energy Drain Technique." Repetition is the key to learning, so keep the CD in your car and listen frequently. And, it doesn't hurt if the kids hear it. The beauty of Love and Logic is that even if the kids know what you're doing, they can't do anything about it.
     
    Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward this article to a friend.
     
    Jim Fay
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    Nov302010
    How to Make Mornings Easier

    POSTED AT 01:00 PM

     Getting young children out the door on time each morning can be a hair-raising experience. Listed below are some tips for taking the mayhem out of the morning routine:
    • Have “practice mornings” when you’re not in a hurry. Try it on the weekend.
    • Make a guide for them by taking pictures of them doing all the things they need to do in the morning the posting them in a common area (IE on the refrigerator).
    • Set limits with enforceable statements. Here are some examples: “Breakfast will be on the table until the timer goes ding.”  “I give treats to kids who brush their teeth.”  “My car is leaving in just a little while. Will you be going with your clothes on your body or your clothes in a bag?”
    • Enforce these limits with plenty of loving empathy. This may mean taking your child to preschool in their pajamas or by expecting them to pay you for taking them to school when they are late. Hint: If you think you may need to take your child to school with their clothes in a bag, call the school and let them know ahead of time.
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    Nov122010
    Bed Time Blues

    POSTED AT 08:55 AM

    Bedtime is a time of frustration for many parents. They wish it could be a magical time to reconnect with children and share fond memories. Here are some easy ways to make those dreams come true:

    Bedroom Time vs. Bedtime
    The journey to bedtime bliss starts with renaming bedtime. Kids need to think of this time as "bedroom time." It's a time for them to be in their rooms, but not necessarily with their eyes closed. Wise parents never try to control the uncontrollable. "You get in your bed and go to sleep, right now!" creates a power struggle over something parents cannot control. A skillful child can keep a parent engaged with this argument for hours.

    Slowdown Time
    Bedroom time is a journey in itself. It starts with "slowdown time." A slowdown routine is essential. Children's brains operate at a high pitch and don't shut down as quickly as adult brains. Parents should announce the beginning of slowdown time about 40 minutes before bedroom time.

    Slowdown time includes turning off stimulating activities such as television, exciting music, and family games. It also is a wonderful time to give kids choices:

    • "Do you want to go to bed right now or in 10 minutes?"
    • "Do you want to brush your teeth in the kitchen or the bathroom?"
    • "Do you want a story first or your bath first?"
    • "Do you want a drink in the kitchen or in your room?"
    • "Do you want a piggy back ride or walk on your own?"
    • "Do you want the light on or off?"
    • "Do you want to get tucked in or do it yourself?"
    • "Do you want to go to sleep right away or try to keep your eyes open as long as you can?"

    There is magic in choices. They speak directly to the human need for control and can produce amazing results. Be sure to offer choices you like. Never give one choice you like and one you don't.

    The kids are given no more than 10 seconds to make their decisions. If it takes longer, make the decision for them. Kids become quick decision-makers when they know their parents will be making the decision for them if they don't act quickly.

    Some children like to negotiate in the face of choices. Resist the temptation to argue or reason at this time. Use Love and Logic® arguing neutralizers, such as "I love you too much to argue about that, maybe you'll like tomorrow's choices better." Repeat this phrase as often as necessary without sarcasm or anger.

    Remember there is nothing more contagious than a yawn. Experiment with yawning and acting sleepy during story time. It's great fun to watch the drooping eyelids.

    Parent Time
    Once the kids are in their room, that's where they stay. Announce that "kid's time" is over and it is now "parent's time." Stick to your guns on this.

    Kids have been known to resort to, "It's scary in here. There's monsters in my room."

    Just remember kids take their emotional cues from their parents. The best solution is to respond in a firm, yet loving way: "Well, sweetie, my advice is to make friends with them. See you in the morning. I love you!"

    Give these Love and Logic® tips a try, and join thousands of parents who enjoy peaceful evenings with their kids!

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    Oct202010
    Will I spoil my Baby?

    POSTED AT 09:00 PM

    Have you ever noticed that parenting "experts" are everywhere? The worst is when new parents bring home infants! Friends, aunts, and co-workers spring from the woodwork with sage advice from the ages.
     
    One common piece of advice is, "Let 'em cry it out when they're upset. If you pick 'em up and comfort 'em, they'll end up like rotten bananas: spoiled, for life!"
     
    But where does this theory come from? Is it grounded in thorough research? Or is it just one of those things that sounds right when others say it? The truth is, infants generally cry for a reason. They may be hungry, wet, or in pain. Contrary to popular "not-so wisdom," when we pick up and comfort very young children, they don't reason, "Ha, I have these people wrapped around my finger. I will make them do whatever I want."
     
    It's more likely, if we could read their little infant minds, they would be saying something like, "Ah, that's better. I feel safe and loved. This world must be an ok place."
     
    In our book, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood, we note that there’s no evidence to show that kids who are made to feel safe and loved when they are small grow to manipulate adults as they get older. Sadly, we do know of serious ill-effects from kids remaining in states where they feel hurt or scared for extended lengths of time. A baby with an unmet need cannot appreciate the message of self-sufficiency parents may try to send.
     
    Of course, as kids get older, they can learn to manipulate and throw fits to try and get their way. At the point when fits become obviously intentional, we can use other strategies (like moving away from the fit). But, when infants cry and rage (versus low-grade fussing), we can suppose there is a real need. Comfort them and don’t worry about “experts” who say you’re spoiling your baby. You’ll have plenty of chances to avoid spoiling her as she gets older.
     
    Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. 
     
    Dr. Charles Fay
     
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