This month’s Omer theme, community, makes me think about the many Jewish
values that make up our notion of community. In order to have a functioning
and productive community, we need to embrace and practice the values (middot)
of “cleaving to friends” (dibuk chaverim), “slow to anger” (erech apayim),
“hospitality” (hachnasat orchim), “minimizing small talk” (miyut sichah),
“supporting and healing” (somaych noflim v’rofay cholim), and “peace in the
family” (shalom bayit), to name a few.
We are fortunate here at TBA to have adults that spend time together studying
these middot together, and in our religious school, Bet Sefer Avraham, we
spend time in class talking over what these values mean and what we are
“supposed to do” in a variety of situations. Conversations like these are
easy to have in a classroom setting because every student relates to the time
when he/she was a “victim” to behavior that was unkind by people who were not
practicing these middot.
And so, we continue to bring up these issues, feeling that one of our many
goals in religious school is to emphasize these values and stress their
importance. Students may be able to articulate these values and explain them.
But what impact does teaching them really have? Do our children leave their
Bet Sefer classrooms and practice what they have endorsed?
The concern is not particular to Jewish religious school students. But if
simply teaching about middot doesn’t result in “virtuous” behavior, how then
can we be successful in instilling a commitment to a value driven life to our
children? Certainly one way is by modeling such behavior in our homes. As
parents we often feel as though our children miss these valuable lessons.
Yet, invisible to our eyes, our children are sponges in absorbing what we do,
how we act, what we say and how we say it. It may take many years for these
kinds of lessons to show fruit in our children, but they do have an impact.
Our children do not just absorb proper conduct from parents – we are not their
only role models. Like me, you probably often cringe when reading about yet
another “fallen” hero in the paper – someone else who acted badly or
inappropriately, someone whom your child has looked up to. What do we do with
this information that we and our children are bombarded with?
One way of dealing with it is to talk about it over the dinner table. Bring
up the story and ask your child what she/he thinks about it. Children may
start off by telling you the “party line” – what they are supposed to say.
But further probing can bring out many honest statements about what they
really think.
Don’t be afraid to bring up Jewish values with your children. Talk about the
ideas of helping the sick, reducing gossip and hurtful speech, giving others
the benefit of the doubt. Many children have never thought about both sides
of an issues – never realized that there might be more perspectives than their
own.
Both role modeling values and having frank discussions with our children can
only benefit them. As we continue to build our TBA and Bet Sefer communities,
it is vitally important that we continue to strive toward practice of these
middot.
