MURPHY'S LAW Murphy was an optimist *No good deed goes unpunished. *Leak proof seals - will. *Self starters - will not. *Interchangable parts - won't *There is always one more bug. *90% of everything is crud. *If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it. *All warranties expire upon payment of invoice. *Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit. *Never eat prunes when you are famished. *Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. *If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it. *A short cut is always the longest distance between 2 points. *Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. *You will always find something in the last place you look. *The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. *No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper. *No one's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. *The other line always moves faster. *In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. *Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought. *If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up. *A $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first. *If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. *Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center. *The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before. *When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly. *A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth. *Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it. *Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work. *In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. *You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away. *The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. *There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. *When in doubt, mumble, when in trouble, delegate. *Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. *It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. *A bird in hand is safer than one overhead. *Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules. *Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean. *Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. *The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncomming train. *Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone. *To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression, Freudian Psychology. *Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. *If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what is going on. *If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault. *In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. *Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.