It should come as no surprise that parental involvement is the key to
keeping kids safe online. You can lecture your kids, you can install filters
to block objectionable websites, you can spy on your kids and you even can
try to keep your kid off the Internet, but none of those tactics are as
effective as engaging them in conversation about what they're doing online.
This is especially true in the "Web 2.0" era of the interactive Internet
when kids are not only "downloading" inappropriate information
but "uploading" information about themselves in social networking sites like
MySpace and even video sites like YouTube. Today, parents have to worry not
just what their kids "see" on the net but what they "say" as well.
So what does it mean to be an involved parent? It doesn't necessarily mean
standing over your kid's shoulder every time he or she goes online, but it
does mean talking with your kids – especially your teens – on a regular
basis about their internet activities.
And don't just focus on porn and predators. There are other "risks" for kids
ranging from cyber bullying to net addiction to commercial exploitation. If
your kids open up about bad experiences, don't overreact or blame the
victim. Listen carefully and appreciate that fact that they're coming
forward.
Your children may not want to talk about any negative experiences they've
had online, but don't let that stop you from talking with them about dangers
on the Internet. Don't exaggerate but do warn kids that getting giving out
personal information and getting together with people they meet online can
be dangerous. Let them know that the safest way to deal with unwanted
solicitations is to not respond.
Don't think that kids aren't listening. Just as with messages about smoking
and other dangerous substances, parents do have an impact. A national survey
of teens conducted by the Boys and Girls Clubs found that "more than 1 in 3
youth (37%) stated that their relationship with their parents/guardians was
most important to them... Surprisingly, nearly half (45%) of all respondents
said that their parents most significantly influence their decisions, rather
than their peers."
When it comes to bad things that can happen, let's look at some numbers,
starting with the "2 P's" – porn and predators.. Earlier this year the
University of New Hampshire Crimes Against Children Research Center reported
the results of a 2005 national survey of 1,500 Internet users between the
ages of 10 and 17. The study found that one in seven (13%) had
received "unwanted sexual solicitations or approaches in the past year."
That's down from one in five from the 1999 survey.
Before you become alarmed, it's important to note that not all of those
solicitations came from adult "predators." In the 2005 survey "those younger
than 18 were identified as solicitors in a substantial number of incidents —
43%." Thirty-nine percent of the solicitors were described as over 18 with
the majority of that group (30%) between 18 and 25 and 14% of the solicitors
were people the young victims knew in person prior to the solicitation.
While it's important to protect children of all ages, the survey, like
previous studies, found that teens are at greater risk: "90% of the sexual
solicitations happened to youths who were 13 or older."
From a prevention standpoint, one of the most important observations from
the study, based on interviews with law enforcement officials, is the
finding that "offenders rarely used deceit or violence. Rather they appealed
to adolescents' interest in romance and sex."
Bottom line: Predators can't physically molest a child via the Internet.
They must first convince the child to meet with them and that's nearly
always done through persuasion, not force.
Of course, any report of an unwanted sexual solicitation is disturbing but
there is some good news about how young people dealt with those
incidents: "Most youth (66%) handled unwanted solicitations by removing
themselves from the situation, by blocking the solicitor, or leaving the web
site or computer. Other youth told the person to stop, confronted or warned
the solicitor (16%), while others ignored them (11%)."
Unfortunately most kids who experienced these incidents didn't report them
to parents or authorities. Only 5% were referred to law enforcement, 12%
said they reported it to their parents while only 2% reported it to teachers
or school personnel. "In more than half of cases (56%), youth did not tell
anyone about solicitations."
From a percentage standpoint, exposure to unwanted porn is a bigger and
growing problem. 34% of the teens "received unwanted exposures to sexual
material" up from 25% in the 1999 survey. Again there is some good news
about how young people dealt with unwanted porn.
"The great majority of youth (92%)," according to the survey, "simply
removed themselves from the situation by blocking or leaving the site or
computer when they encountered unwanted sexual material. Few youths (2%) who
encountered sexual material while surfing said they went back to that site
later."
The key word here is "unwanted." The study didn't deal with cases where
teens were looking for porn.
Another serious problem is cyber-bullying, in which children are harassed,
bullied, embarrassed, defamed or pressured via the Internet or cell phone.
Examples of cyber-bullying include using email or other messages to threaten
a child, but it can also include spreading malicious rumors or innuendoes,
online sexual harassment.
Cyber-bullying can happen in chat rooms, on websites, on blogs or social
networking profiles and via instant messaging and cell phone text messaging.
How widespread is cyber-bullying? The survey found that "9% of young
Internet users said they were harassed online in the past year. 6% percent
said someone was bothering or harassing them online and 3% said someone had
posted or sent messages about them for other people to see. Also 3% of youth
described an incident of distressing online harassment, which left them
feeling "very or extremely upset or afraid." In a third of the cases, the
harassment included "contact or attempts at contact by telephone, offline
mail or in person."
The targets, according to the report, were 58% girls and 42% boys. "Girls
were more likely than boys to experience distressing harassment (68%
compared to 32%) The majority of harassment episodes (72%) happened to
teenagers ages 14 to 17."
Of course there are many other issues of concern to teens and parents. Loss
of reputation is a growing problem as teens put inappropriate information on
social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook.
Teens posting pictures of teens in sexually provocative poses or in the
presence of alcohol or illegal drugs may seem cool at the time but can come
back to haunt them later, especially if discovered by school officials,
potential employers, admission counselors or parents.
Kids need to understand the legal and academic consequences of illegal or
unethical behavior – or the perception that either has occurred.
And, like the rest of us, they need to be aware that not everything they see
on the Internet is necessarily true.
