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Parent Corner

Parent Survival Guide to the Holidays

By Ed Smith
 
   
     
  Sometime, we wish we could ignore it completely. The stores switch over from the usual canned music playing old Beatles to the usual Christmas ditties that promise us chestnuts roasting or Jack Frost nipping. We find ourselves humming along with the catchy tunes when we suddenly realize it is Christmas season again.

We take a mental review of last year and remember that we haven’t payed off last year’s Christmas yet. That’s when the butterfly keeper opens up the cages in our stomachs and lets them all out. Right there on aisle three with a bright yellow smiley face looking on, we start to breathe heavier and we feel a little faint.

The garden center suddenly springs to life with thousands of boxes of miniature lights and the outdoor furniture you were hoping to be able to sit down on, is missing. There, coming up the aisle dragging a clanking chain with presents and tinsel attached is the ghost of Christmases past and he is coming for you. You hurry out of the store only to have some odd looking person standing by a red bucket and ringing a bell, specially tuned to shatter teeth, wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year. But what about Thanksgiving, aren’t you going to wish me a happy Thanksgiving too, or Halloween?

You are not alone. Millions of people, just like you, have the same panic about Christmas that you do. Why, oh why do we go through this every year, and then the reason reaches up and tugs at your hand and asks, "Daddy, can we go look at the toys." The biggest problem is that we have two Christmases every year, and the two have become so interwoven that we have trouble distinguishing between them.

They are, the secular Christmas, that includes a Christmas tree, Santa Claus, elves, reindeer, White Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, and those roasting chestnuts that hardly anyone has ever eaten, mostly because the Chestnut trees were all killed off by disease a hundred years ago. The other Christmas is the one that includes baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the three wise men, and the Christmas play at church. This is the part of Christmas that makes us feel the best, filling us with hope and joy as we say, "What the heck", and merrily empty our wallets in front of the yellow smiley face as we watch his manic grin get bigger.

The Christmas you have is entirely up to you. If you choose, you can say enough is enough and actually plan out a Christmas season that doesn’t have to leave you and your wallet feelling plundered. When you are making out the list of what you are going to buy your children, ask yourself this question. Am I planning to buy all of this stuff for them or is it because I didn’t get everything I wanted as a kid and I am trying to make up for it now by giving them everything I can? Believe me, when children make out their wish lists, they include everything they can think of, because they know that they may only get one or two of those items at best, so why not shoot the moon? This doesn’t mean you have to buy it all. I guarantee that a week after Christmas is past, your kids won’t remember or care a thing about what they received from you.

I’ve written all this to bring us to this place right now before we get caught up in the temporary insanity that is the Christmas season. I have two words for you this year. TAKE CHARGE! That’s right, TAKE CHARGE! Decide how you want your Christmas to unfold. Do you want the stores and their bottom line to be in charge of what you spend, or do you want to make that decision your self. Has that store ever thanked you for all the money you have spent there? Of course not, so why continue to do it?

We know when the season is going to start, so rather than ignore it, sit your family down and tell them that this year is going to be different. Inform you youngsters that Santa is going to be on a tighter budget this year and won’t be bringing as many toys. Let them know that they can pick one or two more expensive items, but that will be it. I’m sure that many of you have heard of the advent calendar. Set up a family advent countdown that will have one special event that happens each day up to Christmas.

Let every one in the family contribute to the activities, but make each event special. This doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or take up a tremendous amount of time. What it does is make the family spend time together and interact together. As a suggestion, one night could be for a game. One night could be for making a popcorn chain to decorate the tree. One night could be to watch a Christmas DVD.

Also, insist that at least one of the presents be something the child has made. The craft stores are loaded with ideas and the satisfaction of making, wrapping, and giving something they have made with their own two hands can be the highlight of the season.

You get the idea. Be deliberate.

What I can promise you is that by taking charge of your Christmas and making it yours, it will bring your family closer together and help set the patterns for your kids when they have families of their own. Then they will remember their Christmases as a time of joy and family fun. Some day when they are old, they will be able to say, "Our Christmases were special."

 
   
  Article Source: http://interpret.co.za 

Enforcing bedtimes improves kids' health

  • Story Highlights
  • Setting bedtimes can improve sleep quality and quantity for infants and toddlers
  • Study: Families from lower-educated backgrounds are less likely to use bedtimes
  • Don't medicate kids to help them go to sleep, researchers warn
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updated 10:06 a.m. EDT, Mon September 14, 2009

(CNN) -- When Genevieve and Brian Skory were new to parenting, they allowed their two young kids to read or watch TV until they fell asleep.

A child's bedtime routine could affect his or her sleep pattern throughout a lifetime, a researcher said.

A child's bedtime routine could affect his or her sleep pattern throughout a lifetime, a researcher said.

"It was an agitated frenzy until they would pass out," Genevieve Skory recalled. The weary parents broke up fights between their bickering children. The next morning, the house would be chaotic again. "I don't think it's good for kids to stay up until they fall asleep -- that's three hours later than they needed to go to sleep," she said.

Setting bedtimes can improve sleep quality and quantity for infants and toddlers, according to a growing body of research. Not getting enough sleep affects children's behavior, memory, attention, and emotional well-being, experts said.

Tired of the chaos in the house, the Skorys started to enforce bedtime every night at 9. About an hour before bedtime, she restricts her children's use of TV and computers and instructs them to prepare for bedtime.

"Everyone is happier in the morning when there's a bedtime," Skory said. Research suggests there are additional benefits for children who have bedtimes.

"Sleep patterns and sleep routines matter because they have both long-term and short-term implications for health and cognitive development," said Lauren Hale, an assistant professor of preventive medicine at Stony Brook University Medical Center in Stony Brook, New York. "If it sets a pattern in the way you treat sleep or bedtimes, these patterns may last your whole life unknowingly."

Hale is one of the authors of a new study published online in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics this month that found that black and Hispanic families and those with lower levels of income and education were less likely to enforce regular bedtimes for children. This could play a role in health disparities, she said.

How much sleep do you need?

Newborns

• Birth - 2 months old need 10.5 - 18 hours

Infants

•3 - 11 months old need 9 - 12 hours (and additional naps)

Toddlers/Children

• 1 - 3 years old need 12 - 14 hours

• 3 - 5 years old need 11 - 13 hours

• 5 - 12 years old need 10 - 11 hours

Adolescents need at least 8.5 - 9.25 hours

Adults typically need 7 - 9 hours

Source: National Sleep Foundation

"What we find is that disadvantaged populations or lower-education populations have worse health outcomes and it turns out they have worse sleep problems," she said.

The data didn't show why these families were less likely to use children's bedtimes. It could be related to the stress levels and fewer routines in the households, Hale said.

"Parents in those households, many of which are below poverty line, tend to be single-mother households, and they may be more burdened in many more ways than a traditional nuclear family," she said. Another possibility is that the parents may not be aware of the health benefits of regular bedtime routines.

In a sample of 3,217 households, in which three-quarters of the children were born to unmarried mothers, about 67 percent used a bedtime. Of the 67 percent, only about half put their 3-year-olds to bed before 9 p.m.

Toddlers between the age of 1 and 3 need 12 to 14 hours of sleep. Children who lack sleep can have behavioral and emotional problems and cognitive developmental issues, sleep researchers said.

About 71 percent of the sample reported using bedtime routines.

Such routines, such as a bath or a soothing activity, cuddling or singing a lullaby, help infants sleep better through the night and improve sleep issues for children, according to another study.

"Instituting a routine helped children fall asleep faster at bedtime," said Jodi Mindell, an author of that study published in a May edition of the journal Sleep.

In that study, 405 mothers and their infants or toddlers under the age of 3 were randomly assigned to a bedtime routine or instructed to follow their usual habits. The mothers recorded daily sleep diaries and filled out questionnaires every week. The researchers found that moods improved after using the bedtime routine.

Parents mean well, but some mistakenly believe that keeping their babies up late will help them sleep, said Mindell, an associate director of the Sleep Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

"They think that if they keep them up late, they'll conk out, that they'll be exhausted and they'll sleep better," she said. "And it backfires. We know that overtired babies take longer to fall asleep and they wake more frequently at night."

If children have difficulty falling asleep, parents should not turn to medication, experts said.

"Don't do it," warned Mindell. "Even in severely neurologically impaired kids, that is our third, fourth, or fifth choice. You really want to institute behavior changes first. ... [Medication is] not a panacea and there are so many concerns about side effects."

Using drugs such as Benadryl to help a child sleep may mask underlying problems, added Kelly Byars, director of the Behavioral Sleep Medicine Program at Cincinnati Children's Hospital in Ohio.

"It may be helpful for some children in a short-term situation, but in some cases children have a paradoxical reaction to Benadryl and become more alert, irritable, and hyperactive which leads to worse sleep problems," he wrote.

In many homes, bedtime still remains a battle of wills between parents and children.

In their bustling household in Lathrup Village, Michigan, the four Skory children are now between the ages of 9 and 18. Genevieve Skory doesn't get the crying, temper tantrums or massive resistance anymore, but her younger kids still try to stay up late by peppering her with questions and last-minute requests for snacks.

But Skory is adamant that bedtime is non-negotiable and this isn't enforced solely for their children's health.

"I believe in bedtime for parents' mental health," she said with a laugh.


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