Life Skills: Conflict Resolution (use with family members or friends)

1. Stop.

2. Agree to disagree.

3. Talk about a solution. Both individuals should think of a fair solution and share idea. If you can't think of a solution maybe get a parent to offer a fair suggestion or two. But children really need to think of ways to solve their problems on their own because an adult is not always nearby.

4. Find a way for both sides to win. Decide which of the solutions you can both be happy with (compromise). The conflict won't be permanently resolved if both sides don't feel good about the solution.

Telling Isn't Tattling by Kathryn M. Hammerseng
Children tattle when they want to-
*get someone in trouble,
*look good in someone else's eyes,
*get attention,
*have an adult solve their problem.

Children are telling when they-
*want protection for themselves or someone else,
*want protection for their own or someone else's property,
*are scared,
*are in danger.

I-Messages

• Say the person's name.
• Say how you feel.
• Tell why.
• Tell what you want.

REMEMBER TO:
Watch your body language.
Stand straight with your hands at your sides.
Don't threaten personal space.
Look at the person.
Speak in a clear voice.

WHEN AN I-MESSAGE IS IGNORED:

1. Remind the other person that this is not respectful behavior.
2. Get help from an adult - This is NOT tattling!
3. Have your friends give a "We-Message."

Stand Up, Speak Out

--- children use this group strategy to take a stand against a bullying situation. Bystanders can take control from bullies by giving a “We” Message--
We feel upset when you don't let her/him play with us. We want you to stop excluding her/him. Be nice and let her/him play with us.

Or

We feel angry when you are mean to ______. We want you to be kind and stop making _____ feel sad.
1. Group Together – Use a “We” Message
2. Tell Them to Stop
3. Tell an Adult
4. Don’t Join In
5. Include Everyone

Win/Win Guidelines

1. Take time to cool off. Try counting to 10 taking a deep breathe each time.
2. Each person states their feelings and the problem as they see it using "I Messages." No blaming, no name calling, no interrupting.
3. Each person states the problem as the other person sees it.
4. Each person says how they are responsible for the problem.
5. Brainstorm solutions and choose one that both people agree on.
6. Affirm, forgive or thank your partner.

Normal Conflict VS. Bullying

Equal power-friends Imbalance of power-not friends

Occasional Repeated

Accidental Purposeful

Not Serious Serious-threats, physical or emotional harm

Equal emotional reaction Strong emotional reaction on part of the victim

Not seeking power or attention Seeking power or control

Not trying to get something Trying to gain material things or power

Remorse-taking responsibility No remorse-blames victim

Effort to solve problem No effort to solve problem

The information on this page was copied and or modified from the many handouts and posters used the classrooms to help students be assertive and manage normal conflicts. I am provided it to parents on this site and in various letters so parents can use the same language used in the school. Handouts and posters are provided by EBPS.