School-age kids begin to view the world in complex ways. At this stage, children often move from being concrete thinkers to being more reflective ones. They think more logically about world events, while still viewing them subjectively. They start to look at causes and begin asking more challenging questions.
Between the ages of 6 and 11, kids become purposeful. They think in advance about what they want and often have a plan for how to get it. Because their communication style is impulsive and driven by their desires, it may mask how deep, loving and wise they are inside.
School-age kids alternately feel dependent, resistant or even rebellious toward their parents. This confusing behavior can be quite nerve-wracking for parents. School-age kids may appear needy for days and then suddenly throw tantrums. They become insulted if their parents treat them in ways they consider babyish, even though at other times they still want to be babied.
School-age kids question, doubt and criticize their parents. They no longer consider Mom and Dad to be the sole authorities. This questioning is normal, and it means they are becoming critical thinkers. They may appear to distance themselves from, or even reject, the people they love most.
School-age kids begin to tailor their communication styles to their surroundings. Younger kids usually communicate with one style no matter where they are or who they are with. As school-age kids spend more time away from home, they often develop new patterns of speaking based on what their friends are saying or what they hear on television.
School-age kids may become private about their thoughts. No matter how positive a relationship a school-age child has with his parents, he may now begin to shut them out as his life outside the home begins to compete with his home life.
School-age kids develop a more sophisticated sense of humor. They enjoy telling jokes and puns and playing more advanced games. They can understand more grown-up media and analyze the rules and premises of the games they play.
Find time to talk. With a school-age child, you won't have as many opportunities for conversation as you did with your preschooler. As your child grows up, she may turn to you less frequently, so you may need to make a special effort to spend time together.
Speak to your school-age child in a mature fashion. School-age kids want their "bigness" acknowledged. They may be offended if they feel they are being spoken to like babies (even if they happen to be acting like them). You might say, "I expect you to begin your book report. What time would you like to work on it?" instead of "How many times do I have to tell you to do your book report!"
Show your school-age child respect. One way is to ask your child for help in understanding her and her needs. If you acknowledge that your child has some information you don't, she will know that you respect her, even though you are making final decisions.
Ask your school-age child specific, rather than general questions. Instead of asking a question such as "How was school?" you might ask, "Did your teacher give you comments on your science project?" Also avoid leading questions. A query such as, "Do you think it's appropriate to talk to me that way?" often backfires. Instead, you might say, "I feel angry when you talk to me that way."
Listen to your school-age child without contradicting her. Instead of saying "That's ridiculous," you might simply say, "Hmm," or "Really." Then, ask specific questions based on the situation your child has described.
Repeat what you heard your child say, but in a more mature way. You can reflect her statement in the form of a question, implying, "Am I getting this right?" In this way, you are respecting your child's intelligence, making her feel understood and encouraging her to tell you more. You might say, "So, you think your gym teacher is stupid, but you don't want me to intervene? Can you tell me what you are upset about?"
Laugh a little and admit your mistakes. At times, humor is the best way to resolve a dispute, react to an upset or make a request of your school-age child. You can also ask your child for help in figuring out what to do. Kids love to hear parents admit they were wrong. You might say, "Am I making a mess of this? Should we try to figure it out a different way?"
Ask your child to help set her own limits. Don't be afraid to say "No" when your school-age child (or you) needs it. However, within reason, your child can make some rules, too. For instance, you might ask her to propose a reasonable time to begin her homework. "Discuss it and then back off," recommends Gillian McNamee, Ph.D. "Ask your child to be the boss of deciding what help is given, how much and when (in accordance with her teacher's instructions)." In this way, you help your child to feel in control of her world.
Keep talking even if your school-age child won't talk to you. "You will feel at times that you have lost your credibility with a school-age child," comments Michael Thompson, Ph.D. "If you take silence or impulsive remarks personally, things can go quite badly. But they are often simply trying to establish their independence."
For more information on this subject please visit, PBS Parents .