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Frequently Asked Questions: Here are answers to some of the questions parents
ask most.
- HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD DEVELOP SOCIAL SKILLS?
- HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILDREN SUCCEED IN SCHOOL?
- WHO REFERS STUDENTS TO THE SOCIAL WORKER?
- HOW CAN I IMPROVE MY CHILD'S BEHAVIOR?
- HOW CAN I GET MY CHILD TO DO HIS HOMEWORK?
- HOW CAN I HELP MY LEARNING DISABLED CHILD WITH HOMEWORK?
- WHEN REPORT CARDS DON'T MAKE THE GRADE
- HOW DO I GET MY CHILD TO TELL ME ABOUT HER SCHOOL DAY?
- WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO DISCIPLINE MY CHILD?
- WHAT DO I TELL MY CHILD ABOUT OUR DIVORCE?
- HOW CAN I HELP MY LD CHILD BUILD CONFIDENCE + SELF ESTEEM?
- WHAT ARE THE BASICS FOR TEACHING GOOD VALUES TO MY CHILD?
- HELP! HOW CAN I HELP MY KIDS GET ORGANIZED?
- FOURTH GRADE CHALLENGES: HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD SUCCEED?
- HOW CAN I BUILD MY CHILD'S SELF -ESTEEM?
- HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD WHO HAS ATTENTION PROBLEMS?
- HOW DO I BUILD RESILIENCE IN MY CHILD?
- HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD WITH ADHD?
HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD DEVELOP SOCIAL SKILLS? 1. BE AWARE of the stages in child development so you don't expect too much
or too little from your child. (see my pages on development by grade)
2. ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD to express his or her feelings appropriately;
respect those feelings.
-Let your child know that everyone experiences pain, fear, frustration,
anger and anxiety.
-Try to learn the source of these feelings.
-Help your child express anger positively, without resorting to violence.
3. PROMOTE MUTUAL RESPECT AND TRUST.
-Keep your voice level down--even when you don't agree.
-Keep communication channels open.
4. LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD. Use words and examples your child can understand.
-Encourage questions.
-Provide comfort and reassurance.
-Be honest.
-Focus on the positives.
-Express your willingness to talk about any subject.
5. ARRANGE FOR PLAYDATES FOR YOUR CHILD. One to one interaction provides
lots of opportunities for developing skills like sharing, waiting one's
turn, resolving conflicts, and communication that aren't available in group
situations. It can be difficult when parents have so little time but even
playdates of short duration are of benefit to children.
HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILDREN SUCCEED IN SCHOOL? Here are 10 ways parents can help children do well in school.
1. Become involved in your child's school and educational process.
2. Take your child to museums, plays, and exhibits to foster a love of
learning.
3. Communicate regularly with your child's teachers and school staff.
4. Help your child get organized through the use of calendars and work
schedules. Break down tasks into manageable sections. Keep school
supplies readily available.
5. Help children seek and find answers themselves. Suggest possible
resources rather than providing the answer.
6. Notice and encourage the EFFORT as well as the achievements your child
makes.
7. Keep your expectations high for your child and your school.
8. Take time to listen to your children.
9. Encourage prompt and daily attendance at school.
10. Turn off the TV and video games!!
WHO REFERS STUDENTS TO THE SOCIAL WORKER? Students can be referred to the school social worker by teachers, parents,
administrators, community agencies, and other students. Students also refer
themselves and seek out assistance from the Social Worker when they are in
distress. Parent permission is obtained before a student begins counseling
with the Social Worker. Exceptions are in crisis situations.
HOW CAN I IMPROVE MY CHILD'S BEHAVIOR? Consistent discipline provides security and predictability for children.
This results in improved behavior and increased cooperation which can lead
to a more harmonious home situation.
House Rules: Discipline That Works!
Good for Ages: 4 and up.
Haphazard, "let's try this" approaches to discipline are often doomed to
failure, according to Penny Hutchins Paquette and Cheryl Gerson Tuttle, co-
authors of Parenting a Child with a Behavior Problem (Lowell House Books).
Rather than flailing about in the heat of the moment, the authors argue,
parents should actually plan what they'll do when their kids are less than
angelic.
WHEN IT WORKS: House rules are an effective, proactive strategy when
children know what the rules are, and what will happen if they are broken.
Example:
It's a house rule that homework has to be done before the TV goes on. If the
homework's not done, you lose TV privileges for a set amount of time.
WHY IT WORKS: It eliminates the need for parents to think on their feet, by
making expectations within the household very clear and consistent. It also
gives kids a chance to voice their opinions about what the rules should be
and how they should be applied. Many families post house rules in a
prominent place in the household.
WHEN IT DOESN'T WORK: House rules fail to improve behavior when adults make
them up arbitrarily, with little or no input from children, or when they
fail to follow through. If parents ignore a broken curfew, for instance,
house rules will cease to have any meaning and kids will ignore them.
HOW CAN I GET MY CHILD TO DO HIS HOMEWORK? Here is a way for parents to help their children with homework by using a
Homework Behavior Plan.
If your child's study habits could use some first-aid, a Homework Behavior
Plan can get you both focused on realistic strategies, goals, and rewards
that can help get the job done.
Instructions for using this strategy:
1. Determine what prevents homework from getting done (e.g., delay tactics
such as arguing with parents or being easily distracted by phone, TV, video
games, or siblings).
2. Brainstorm strategies with your child that will help stop the delay
tactics and distractions.
3. Draw up a contract with your child that implements the agreed-upon
strategy.
4. Award points each time the strategy is used.
5. Don't forget to give a reward for so many points earned.
6. Teach your child how to use this contract as a self-evaluation tool.
Other information parents should consider:
Don't overload! Address one to three issues at a time. For example, if your
child never has everything she needs to complete her homework in her study
area, the strategies to change this behavior could be: Make a list of what
is needed, and then collect everything on the list and put it in the study
area.
Contact your child's teacher or the School Social Worker for more
information.
HOW CAN I HELP MY LEARNING DISABLED CHILD WITH HOMEWORK? All children can benefit from these strategies for easing the homework
hassle. If problems persist, contact your child's teacher or the School
Social Worker.
Homework Tips for the Child with Learning Disabilities
Children with learning disabilities (LD) do better with a structured time
for homework. Here are some hints to help ease those homework frustrations.
* Agree on a homework time.
* Set up a specific place for your child to do homework.
* Don't let homework time become a power struggle between you and your
child.
* If homework assignments seem to be overwhelming your child, explore
with his classroom or special education teacher whether assignments can be
modified. For example, your child might do only the odd- or even-numbered
problems on a math sheet.
* Help your child organize his work before he begins.
This article is published with permission from familyeducation.com.
WHEN REPORT CARDS DON'T MAKE THE GRADE Does your child hide out at the neighbor's house when it's report card
time? Before you go looking for her, read these five tips for dealing with
the less-than-perfect report card. Contact your child's teacher with any
questions or concerns about your child's academic progress. It is a team
effort!
1. DON'T LOSE YOUR COOL: Though many people see report cards as motivating,
they can also be demoralizing. "They can sap a child of his confidence,"
says Dr. Kenneth Shore, school psychologist and author of the Parent's
Public School Handbook. "The report card is not a measure of your child's
worth or of your parenting skills." But grades can have an impact on a
child's future. Make this point constructively.
2. ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE: Point out what your child is doing well, whether
it's an academic subject or an extracurricular activity. "Children need to
know where they show motivation because they may not be aware of their
strengths," says Dorothy Rich, president of the Home and School Institute.
If your child does poorly in math, but enjoys figuring out basketball
players' free-throw averages, make the connection for him.
3. LOOK BEHIND THE GRADE: The report card only indicates that there is a
problem. Compare your child's papers over the year to see his progress.
Discuss whether he's involved in too many extracurricular activities. "Kids
need time to get their work done," says Rich. If your child is trying her
hardest and still not understanding the material, contact the teacher
immediately.
4. SET GOALS FOR IMPROVEMENT: Goals help us get motivated, but be realistic.
If a child is getting all C's on his report card now, expecting all A's the
next time may be an unrealistic goal.
5. CONTACT BUT DO NOT ATTACK THE TEACHER: "If a parent has any questions at
all, the first thing he or she should do is call the teacher for
clarification - not the principal," says Martie Fiske, a White House
Distinguished Teacher. "A parent's first question should be: 'What's going
on?'" Fiske suggests gathering more information before charging that
something is wrong with the program or the teacher.
HOW DO I GET MY CHILD TO TELL ME ABOUT HER SCHOOL DAY? As the School Social Worker, parents often ask me, "how can I get my child
to open up about what's happening at school?" This has become especially
important as stories of school bullying and violence top the news stories.
Give these strategies a try and watch communication with your child(ren)
soar!
For ages: Four to eight
The scene
You: "How was your day?"
Your child: "Good"
You: "What'd you do?"
Your child: "Nothing"
Looking for more than one-word answers from your kids about their school
day? Here are seven ways to find out what they're really up to.
1. ASK SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.
Asking questions that only require a one-word answer will oftentimes produce
just that. You can encourage your child to give something more by
asking "situation-specific" questions, such as:
* ";What did you do on the playground today?"
* "Who did you play with?"
*"Tell me the best part of the story the teacher read today."
2. START A "NAMES I KNOW" LIST.
Have your child start a list at the beginning of the school year
called "Names I Know" or "My Class." Keep it on the refrigerator. Ask
specific questions about the kids on the list. Little kids can have trouble
keeping track of names, and your child might want to talk to you about
someone whose name he can't remember. Keeping an ongoing list serves as a
memory jogger for your child and a conversation starter for you in the early
weeks before class lists get distributed.
Bonus tip: To encourage literacy, put magnetic alphabet letters on the
fridge. Have your child use them to spell out the names he knows.
3. GIVE YOUR CHILD TIME TO UNWIND.
Think about your own after-work needs. Just like you, kids need time to
decompress after a long day at school. Try not to jump right in with
questions about school the moment your kids are dismissed. Give your child
time to get home, unwind, and sit with a snack. You might even want to wait
until dinner; that just might be the amount of transition time they need.
4.HONE YOUR KIDS' CONVERSATION SKILLS.
If you're not getting the answer you're looking for from your kids, it could
be that their conversation skills need a little work. Helping kids practice
the art of conversation will serve them well in making and keeping friends.
Show them that a good conversation begins with eye contact, appropriate body
language, and a warm greeting.
5. SHARE SOME OF YOUR DAY.
By sharing how your day went, you're modeling for your kids the kind of
information that you'd like to hear from them: "This is what I did today
that I felt really good about. ..."; "This is what I did today that was a
little bit hard, but I did it anyway. ..." These statements naturally lead
to questions that you can ask your kids: "What was one thing that you did
today that was hard (or fun) for you"
6. PLAY A CONVERSATION GAME.
Children at this age have rich imaginations and love stories. Try turning
school conversations into stories. Begin by saying,"Today, I went to school
and sat down right next to _________." Let your child fill in the
"First, we opened up our backpacks and I took out my folder and
looked inside and saw ______________."
Then try injecting a little humor: "Next, we hung up our backpacks and coats
and... went right to sleep!" At this your child will probably giggle, or
make a face with mock annoyance. Most likely, he'll correct you with the
accurate information. Continue until you get to the end of the day, or until
you're satisfied that you've heard more than your child would normally
volunteer.
7. GET THE FACTS STRAIGHT.
From time to time you'll hear information that may concern or even alarm you
about your child's day at school. Don't ponder the details -- ask the
teacher! It could be that you and your child's teacher are using different
terminology, and your child is confused by your questions. On the other
hand, if your child complains about being teased or picked on, repeats a
complaint with regularity, or complains of frequent trips to the nurse,
there may be a real problem. Calling the teacher or School Social Worker is
the best way to find out what's going on, and get your child the support she
needs.
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO DISCIPLINE MY CHILD? BREAKING POOR DISCIPLINE HABITS By Dr. Marianne Neifert
From nagging to empty threats: You can replace the tactics that don't work
with ones that do.
Kids aren't the only ones whose behavior can be frustrating at times. If you
asked your child, he'd probably tell you that you can be pretty annoying,
too, especially when it comes to discipline. Even worse, you probably know
how awful you sound when you nag, yell, or threaten your child with some
unreasonable consequence. How did it get this way?
Maybe you're just too tired to come up with new ways to deal with your
child's misbehavior. Or maybe a technique worked a few times and you're
still using it, even if it's no longer effective. With some patience (with
yourself and your child) you can learn to discipline more positively.
Nagging
We all nag. And we all know how fruitless it is. Either your child resorts
to fibbing ("I did wash my hands! Really!") or she learns to tune you out.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Use eye contact and state your expectations as calmly as
possible. Fewer words are better. Instead of saying, ";How many times do I
have to tell you not to eat in the living room?"; say, ";No eating in the
living room." When you want to remind your child to do something, try using
a single word, such as "bedtime."
Whenever possible, tie your request to something your little one wants to
do: "After you help me put the puzzle away, then we can play outside." And
try not to load up on commands. It's better for her to do one thing (put on
her shoes) than hear a whole string of orders.
Yelling
What's true of nagging is doubly true of yelling - we all do it, and we all
feel guilty every time we do. Even if it does occasionally get results, it
just teaches your child that it's okay to raise his voice when he's angry.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Scold him. Your child really does need to know what he's
done wrong, as long as you don't raise your voice or lose your temper. A
proper scolding names the misbehavior "No splashing water while you're in
the tub", offers an explanation for the limit ("Water on the floor makes a
mess"), enforces the established consequence for the misbehavior ("If you
don't stop splashing now, I'll have to take you out of the bath"), and
offers an acceptable alternate ("You can pour water into this cup or back
into the tub").
Turning Requests Into Questions
When I was a medical student, I learned not to ask my young patients, "May I
look in your ears now?" since more often than not they'd reply, "No!" and
cover their ears. But it's a hard habit to break, especially after months of
asking your baby rhetorical questions as a way of making conversation -"How
about a little breakfast now? Doesn't that sound good?"
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: State, don't ask. Your tone of voice and choice of words
can go a long way in promoting cooperation, so remember to frame your
expectations in a polite, respectful manner by adding "please" and "thank
you"- "I need you to turn off the TV now and start getting ready, please."
Issuing Empty Warnings
A good warning can be an effective discipline strategy. The problem comes
when you threaten in anger, grossly exaggerate ("If you do that again, I'm
not taking you outside all day"), or fail to be specific ("You'll be
sorry!").
Similarly, delayed threats (";If you don't stop throwing the ball, we won't
go to the library this afternoon") lose their impact on a child who's too
focused on the present moment to remember what she did two minutes ago. The
result? It will seem as though there's no consequence for her naughty
behavior. And if you do impose a penalty later, it will just seem harsh and
arbitrary.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Make your warnings more specific and immediate. ("I'm
warning you. If you don't give that toy back to your baby sister, I'm going
to have to put you in time-out.") Use a calm, firm tone of voice that makes
it clear you're in control. And if your child won't behave, carry out your
punishment without further ado, perhaps adding "Sounds like you've chosen
the time-out."
Making Unrealistic Promises
Whether it's asking for a toy you don't really approve of or a visit to some
expensive place, kids often make difficult requests. Instead of giving an
honest response, however, we try to avoid conflict by offering them a vague
answer like "We'll see." But avoiding the issue only leaves your child
frustrated and feeling as if he isn't being taken seriously.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Bite the bullet - especially if the item he wants is
totally out of the question. But give him an explanation. For instance, if
he's asking for a Game Boy, say, "I know your friends have them and you'd
like one too. But I just don't think it's a good toy for kids your age."
And if your child's request isn't totally unreasonable, acknowledge his
desire. For example, if he wants to go to the beach, let him know that you'd
find that fun too. Then you can say, "I can't promise that we'll go next
summer, but when Dad and I are figuring out where to go on vacation, we'll
talk to you about it too."
Apologizing Too Much
Saying sorry when you've made a mistake is an act that strengthens your bond
with your kids. But even a young child can sense when your apology isn't
heartfelt, and constantly saying sorry for the same mistake wears thin.
I'll never forget an incident that occurred after I had apologized (again)
to my children for harping on them during our usual Saturday-morning
housecleaning routine. My oldest child, Peter, then 10, looked at me and
calmly inquired, "Mom, why do you keep apologizing every week? Why don't you
just stop doing it?" After my initial startled reaction, I took his advice
to heart, hired a cleaning service, and quit arguing with my kids over
household chores. (I wasn't surprised when Peter later became a
psychiatrist!)
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Make a genuine effort to cut back on, for instance,
yelling. There are actually two parts to an apology - your words and your
actions. So if you find yourself apologizing repeatedly for the same
infraction, try to gain some perspective by talking to your mom or a friend
with slightly older children.
Giving the Cold Shoulder
While removing a privilege can be an effective penalty, turning away from
your child when she wants to kiss and make up or giving her the silent
treatment after she's misbehaved can make her feel unworthy of your love and
affection. Or pretending to walk on when your toddler's dawdling may get her
to hurry back to your side, but such tactics prey on her fear of
abandonment.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Tell your child how upset you are. Just do it calmly
without making her feel rejected. Your aim is to make it clear that it's the
behavior that's driving you crazy, not her. If you can't keep your feelings
in check, tell her you still love her and you'll discuss her behavior later,
when you've had a chance to simmer down.
It's easy to fall into a discipline rut. So every once in a while, take a
moment to think about the ways you get your child to behave and whether you
need to update your techniques. After all, the more positive interactions
you have with your kids, the happier everyone will be.
WHAT DO I TELL MY CHILD ABOUT OUR DIVORCE? CHILDREN AND DIVORCE -from Facts for Families
One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing
families include children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently
worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children. During
this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems,
but continue to be the most important people in their children's lives.
While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are
invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Some
parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the
child for comfort or direction. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children
unless parents tell them what is happening, how they are involved and not
involved and what will happen to them.
Children often believe they have caused the conflict between their mother
and father. Many children assume the responsibility for bringing their
parents back together, sometimes by sacrificing themselves. Vulnerability to
both physical and mental illnesses can originate in the traumatic loss of
one or both parents through divorce. With care and attention, however, a
family's strengths can be mobilized during a divorce, and children can be
helped to deal constructively with the resolution of parental conflict.
Talking to children about a divorce is difficult. The following tips can
help both the child and parents with the challenge and stress of these
conversations:
-Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute.
-Tell your child together.
-Keep things simple and straight-forward.
-Tell them the divorce is not their fault.
-Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone.
-Reassure your child that you both still love them and will always be their
parents.
-Do not discuss each other's faults or problems with the child.
Parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children.
Young children may react to divorce by becoming more aggressive and
uncooperative or withdrawing. Older children may feel deep sadness and loss.
Their schoolwork may suffer and behavior problems are common. As teenagers
and adults, children of divorce can have trouble with their own
relationships and experience problems with self-esteem.
Children will do best if they know that their mother and father will still
be their parents and remain involved with them even though the marriage is
ending and the parents won't live together. Long custody disputes or
pressure on a child to "choose" sides can be particularly harmful for the
youngster and can add to the damage of the divorce. Research shows that
children do best when parents can cooperate on behalf of the child.
Parents' ongoing commitment to the child's well-being is vital. If a child
shows signs of distress, the family doctor or pediatrician can refer the
parents to a child and adolescent psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment.
In addition, the child and adolescent psychiatrist can meet with the parents
to help them learn how to make the strain of the divorce easier on the
entire family. Psychotherapy for the children of a divorce, and the
divorcing parents, can be helpful.
For additional information ask me about more Facts for Families or further
literature on divorce. There are many good books at the library or
bookstore that can be helpful to both you and your child as you go through
the process of divorce.
HOW CAN I HELP MY LD CHILD BUILD CONFIDENCE + SELF ESTEEM? SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES OF LEARNING DISABLED (LD) STUDENTS
The social and emotional issues and needs of LD students are similar to
those of all students but may be more pronounced and need specific interventions.
The National Center for Learning Disabilities offers this information for
parents and caregivers.
Building Self-Esteem
Positive self-esteem is as important to success in school and on the job as
the mastery of individual skills. And there's no question that doing
something well helps a person feel better about themselves, their
accomplishments and their potential to succeed in the future. Learning
disabilities, however, can make it difficult for a child to develop positive
self-esteem, which may in turn contribute to a hard-to-break cycle of self-
doubt, frustration and failure.
Research has shown that being classified with LD does not, in and of itself,
negatively impact self-esteem or confidence. Rather, there are a number of
areas in which people with LD tend to exhibit characteristics that
contribute to feelings of low self-worth:
Communication style and social awareness: In conversation, they may have
difficulty judging when or how it is appropriate to participate, or be
unaware that their behaviors are annoying to others.
Self-knowledge: They may have trouble understanding their strengths and
weaknesses, or reflecting on and evaluating their behavior in social
interactions.
Language: They may have trouble expressing their thoughts verbally.
Self-perceived social status: If they have trouble figuring out how they fit
into their peer group, they may withdraw from social situations, become
passive, or "stick out" in a crowd for trying too hard to fit in.
Self-perceived ability to effect change: They may be prone to believing that
they are not capable of controlling their own successes - that luck or fate
is responsible for the outcome of a situation, not their own efforts.
STRATEGIES FOR HELPING CHILDREN WITH LD BUILD CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM.
In their book, The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence and
Personal Strength in Your Life, Dr. Robert Brooks and Dr. Sam Goldstein
offer parents guideposts to help children and adolescents develop the strength
and skills they need to cope successfully with the challenges they face. Here
are some key things, adapted from the book, that parents can do to help:
-Be empathetic. See the world through your children's eyes.
-Communicate with respect. Don't interrupt or put them down; answer their
questions.
-Give undivided attention. Children feel loved when we spend one-on-one time
with them.
-Accept and love children for who they are. This will allow them to feel
more secure in reaching out to others and learning how to solve problems.
-Give children a chance to contribute. This communicates your faith in their
abilities and gives them a sense of responsibility.
-Treat mistakes as learning experiences. Children whose parents overreact to
mistakes tend to avoid taking risks, then end up blaming others for their
problems.
-Emphasize their strengths. A sense of accomplishment and pride give
children the confidence to persevere when they face challenges.
-Let them solve problems and make decisions. Avoid telling children what to
do; encourage them to come up with solutions to problems.
-Discipline to teach. Do not discipline in a way that intimidates or
humiliates your child.
Children with LD can also gain confidence and feel better about themselves
when they develop competent social skills and positive relationships.
Throughout life, self-esteem is a critical and often elusive ingredient for
happiness and success. Even with the best experiences in school and at home,
children are especially vulnerable to attacks on their feelings of self
worth, and as we all know, memories of threats to self-esteem can linger.
Individuals with LD are especially vulnerable to these threats by the very
nature of their having LD. Coupled with intentional, effective instruction
and meaningful support, building self-esteem is building a roadmap to future
success for children with LD.
WHAT ARE THE BASICS FOR TEACHING GOOD VALUES TO MY CHILD? Many people influence children. Siblings, classmates, teachers and friends
leave impressions. So do the people children learn about from movies, TV,
the computer, magazines and books. However, values start at home.
1. Put your values into action. "Live" the values that matter to you.
2. Set up firm but fair family rules that reflect your values.
3. Establish consequences for breaking family rules. Follow through.
4. Talk openly about your values and why they are important. Help your
child understand that good values help people make good choices.
5. Use every opportunity to teach values.
6. Praise your child for demonstrating values you care about.
7. Reinforce values by pointing out when your child does something
inappropriate. Give your child the chance to say "I'm sorry"or to fix the
error if possible.
8. When correcting your child, explain that the behavior-not the child-
is wrong.
9. Keep your eyes and ears open to examples of good values in the media and
in your neighborhood. Point these out to your child.
10. Schedule family meals together. This is one of the best opportunities
for enforcing your values.
HELP! HOW CAN I HELP MY KIDS GET ORGANIZED? Developing good organizational skills is a key ingredient for success in
school and in life. While some people by nature are more organized than
others, anyone can put routines and systems to help a child "get it
together". Here is a list of strategies that you can use to help your child
get his or her life under control.
1. USE CHECKLISTS.
Help your child get into the habit of keeping a "to do" list. Use
checklists to post assignments, household chores, and reminders about what
materials to bring to class. Your child should have a planner or notebook
dedicated to listing homework assignments. Crossing completed items off
gives your child a sense of accomplishment.
2. ORGANIZE HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS.
Before beginning a homework session, encourage your child to number
assignments in the order in which they should be done. S/he should start
with one that is not too difficult or too long, but don't save the longest
or hardest assignments for last.
3. DESIGNATE A STUDY SPACE.
Your child should study in the same place every night. This should be a
quiet place with few distractions. All school supplies and materials should
be nearby. Monitor progress and reinforce good study habits.
4. SET A DESIGNATED STUDY TIME.
Your child should know that a certain time every day is reserved for
studying and doing homework. It may or may not be right after school-some
children need to time to unwind--some do better "getting it over with".
This reserved time can be used to review notes, read for pleasure or work on
an upcoming project when no homework is assigned.
5. KEEP NOTEBOOKS ORGANIZED.
Help your child keep track of papers by organizing them in a binder or
notebook. Use dividers, color coded folders, and separate folders for
homework, papers to be signed, worksheets etc. as necessary. Some students
do well with a binder that will hold all of these folders in one place.
6. CONDUCT A WEEKLY CLEAN-UP.
Encourage your child to sort through book bags and notebooks on a weekly
basis. Old tests and papers can be organized and kept in a file at home.
7. CREATE A HOUSEHOLD SCHEDULE.
Establish and stick to a regular dinnertime and a regular bedtime. This
will help children to develop a pattern at home. Chldren with a regular
bedtime go to school well-rested. Limit TV watching and computer play to
specific periods of time during the day.
8. KEEP A MASTER CALENDAR.
Keep a calendar that lists the family's committments, extracurricular
activities, days off from school, major family events and due dates for
projects.
9. PREPARE FOR THE DAY AHEAD.
Before your child goes to bed, s/he should pack schoolwork and books in a
book bag. The clothes, including shoes, socks, and accessories should be
laid out. This will reduce morning stress and allow your child to prepare
quickly for the day ahead.
10. PROVIDE NEEDED SUPPORT WHILE YOUR CHILD IS LEARNING TO BECOME MORE
ORGANIZED.
Help your child develop organizational skills by having copies of checklists
and schedules. Provide gentle reminders to fill in calendar dates and
keeping papers in the right place. Most important, set a good example.
FOURTH GRADE CHALLENGES: HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD SUCCEED? HOMEWORK ANXIETY
Homework anxiety is common among kids ages 8 and 9. In the fourth
grade the pressure's on. In grades K-three, teachers are focused on
children's social development and basic skills. "In fourth grade, it's not
just the concrete stuff anymore," says Maureen Morgan, adjunct professor of
education at Lesley College in Massachusetts. "Teachers are now asking kids
to look at abstractions and synthesize information, and the amount of
written
work increases."
SOCIAL PRESSURE
And as if the academic pressures weren't enough, fourth graders are also
going through a host of developmental and social changes. On the edge of
puberty, they're beginning to recognize who's smart, who's popular, and
where they fit into the mix. As extracurricular activities abound, kids are also
becoming more social outside of school. Friends and their opinions are
becoming increasingly important.
HOW YOU CAN HELP
How can parents help their fourth graders adjust? Experts agree -it's very
important for parents to be supportive. Kids this age are not ready to
reject their parents' approval, but they are beginning to exert some independence
This can make for a few power struggles, but hang in there. As schoolwork
becomes more demanding, parents need to help kids learn how to structure
their time. You and your child need to work out a homework schedule
together and stick to it. Keeping track of other responsibilities and
committments
can help your fourth grader feel more in control.
A helpful book on helping your child with homework is The Homework Handbook
by Harriet Cholden, John A. Friedman, and Ethel Tiesky.
HOW CAN I BUILD MY CHILD'S SELF -ESTEEM? A child's sense of self is rooted in the home. Here are some do's and
don't's for raising children with a sense of trust, security and acceptance.
DO
* Tell your child you love her. Let her see you are glad she is who she is.
* Take an interest. Spend time with him and listen to his point of view,
without always having a wiser or better answer. Ask about interests without
criticizing.
* Compliment your child every day.
* Expect help at home, even if it takes repeated, patient explaining that
it is part of belonging to the family. This lets your child know he is needed
and valued.
* Help her learn problem-solving skills and to feel she can manage many
things for herself. Mistakes are something we can all learn from.
DON'T
* Criticize the child, only his actions. It's better to say, " That was a
hurtful thing you did," rather than "You're a bad boy".
* Say, "I love you, but I don't like you."
* Compare him or her to others, especially siblings and friends.
* Hide your failures from your children. It is important for kids to know
we all make mistakes, and it can be reassuring to know adults aren't perfect.
HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD WHO HAS ATTENTION PROBLEMS? Some children struggle with behaviors such as inattention, distractibility,
impulsivity and/or hyperactivity. These strategies, adapted from the
National Association of School Psychologists, can help parents help their
children be more successful in school.
Hyperactivity: Provide External Structure
Physical Controls
- Include regular exercise, balanced diet, adequate sleep, medication
if appropriate
- Check schedules: mornings usually best for learning, need calm
routine at bedtime.
- Check environment for safety and removed treasured items, prevent
problems
Predictability
- Use consistent rules across time and place
- Prepare for changes to new activity
- Practice simple daily routines
- Have regular contact with school
Distractibility: Focus on Priorities
Priorities
- Organize backpack
- Have a 'Launch Pad' area for next morning's materials and messages
- Encourage on-task behavior
- Request special education assessment if appropriate
Directions
- Use simple, positive directions showing what to do instead of what
not to do
- Give visual cues
Distractors
- Provide regular time and clean area for doing homework
- Limit and balance extra curricular activities
Impulsivity: Build Self-Confidence
Social Skills
- Build on strengths
- Teach game-playing skills, taking turns, making choices
- Encourage noncompetitive sports (karate, swimming, gymnastics)
- Teach friendship skills (making requests, giving compliments, less
rough play)
Parent Support
- Enroll in classes in behavior management
- Join support groups
- Use 'special time' for bonding
Counseling and Management
- Use strategies to reduce impulsive behavior
- Model Positive self-talk and goal-settting
- Reward frequently
HOW DO I BUILD RESILIENCE IN MY CHILD? Building Resilience in Your Child
Adversity is a natural part of life. At some point, we all face
difficulties, such as family problems, serious illness, a personal crisis,
or a painful loss. Being resilient is important to dealing with adversities
like these. While most parents hope that their children never face extreme
adversity, successfully facing tough situations can actually foster growth
and give children the skills to be more resilient in the future.
Most people have a natural tendency to adapt and bounce back from adversity.
However, parents can help their children learn to face challenges
successfully, whether it is the stresses of everyday life, such as academic
difficulties or problems with friends, or severe adversity, such as losing a
home and being displaced from normal routines for months. Following are five
ways to promote resiliency in your children and help protect them from long-
term ill affects of difficult experiences.
1. THINK POSITIVE!! Modeling positive attitudes and positive emotions is
very important. Children need to hear parents thinking out loud positively
and being determined to persist until a goal is achieved. Using a 'can do'
problem-solving approach to problems teaches children a sense of power and
promise.
2. EXPRESS LOVE AND GRATITUDE!! Emotions such as love and gratitude increase
resiliency. Praise should always occur much more often than criticism.
Children and adolescents who are cared for, loved, and supported learn to
express positive emotions to others. Positive emotions buffer kids against
depression and other negative reactions to adversity.
3. EXPRESS YOURSELF!! Resilient people appropriately express all emotions,
even negative ones. Parents who help kids become more aware of emotions,
label emotions appropriately, and help children deal with upsetting events
are giving them useful life skills.
4. GET FIT! Good physical health prepares the body and mind to be more
resilient. Healthy eating habits, regular exercise and adequate sleep
protect kids against the stress of tough situations. Regular exercise also
decreases negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, and depression.
5. FOSTER COMPETENCY! Making sure that children and adolescents achieve
academically is great protection against adversity. Children who achieve
academic success and who develop individual talents, such as playing sports,
drawing, making things, playing musical instruments or playing games are
much more likely to feel competent and be able to deal with stress
positively. Social competency is also important. Having friends and staying
connected to friends and loved ones can increase resiliency. Social
competency can even be created by helping others.
Protecting our children against all of life's unexpected painful events is
not possible. Giving them a sense of competency and the skills to face
adverse circumstances can be a valuable legacy of all parents. Resiliency
can be built by understanding these important foundations. The more we
practice these approaches; the better able our children will be to weather
whatever life brings.
HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD WITH ADHD? Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder is a neurological condition that
should be diagnosed by a medical doctor.
Symptoms can include distractibility, that is, an inability to stay on one
task. Other symptoms include inattention, lack of focus and impulsivity where
the child acts on his/her emotions with little regard for consequences. Some
children also experience hyperactivity where they cannot sit still, talk
excessively and seem to be in constant motion.
Both parents and teachers should be involved in the diagnosing and treatment
process. Treatment consists of possible medication, counseling or therapy,
education and training. Parents can help their ADD or ADHD child by using a
SCHEDULE at home and sticking to it with time for meals, homework, play and
sleep built in to it. These children especially benefit from having a
predictable routine.
ORGANIZATION is important. There should be a place for everything such as
coats, shoes, homework supplies, books, and toys.
CLEAR AND CONSISTENT RULES AND EXPECTATIONS make it easier for children to
know what you want them to do and follow your directions.
PRAISE and ENCOURAGEMENT go a long way for children with ADHD. For every
correction give at least 4 positive comments to
your child, the more the better!
SEEK understanding and knowledge of the condition in order to help yourself
and your child cope with this challenging diagnosis. Check out the websites
and books listed on this website for further information.
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