The 10 Best Ways to Help Your Kindergartener Succeed in School A parent's to-do list. By Ann E. LaForge
- Encourage reading in any way you can
- Treat your child as though he's an author
- Make math part of her everyday life
- Teach your child how to listen
- Support your child's teacher and the school rules
- Tell the teacher everything
- Make sure your child is ready for school
- Spend time in your child's classroom
- Encourage responsibility and independence
- Ask your child about school every day
Encourage reading in any way you can
Encourage reading in any way you can
There is no way to overestimate the importance of reading. It not only enhances learning in all of the
other subject areas, it exposes children to a wealth of information and experiences they might not
otherwise enjoy. It stimulates the imagination, nourishes emotional growth, builds verbal skills, and
influences analyzing and thinking. In fact, according to every teacher I spoke to, reading to or with
your child every day is the single most important thing you can do.
But you shouldn't worry so much about how well your child is reading in any particular grade.
Different children acquire reading skills at different ages and in different ways. And you can't force a
child who's not ready to start reading.
But you can promote a love of reading by giving your child lots of fun experiences with print at
whatever level she's in. Here are some reading milestones you should look for now (of course, your
child's skill level may vary), and specific tips on how to help.
MILESTONE 1: Your child enjoys looking at books and being read to, but doesn't realize that the print
� not the pictures or the reader � tells the story.
How to help:
� Have your child dictate stories or letters to you. Write them down exactly as he says them, and read
them back to him, pointing to the words as you read.
� Read lots of short, simple books aloud, including alphabet books.
� Reread your child's favorite books as often as she asks (even if it starts to drive you crazy).
� Leave magnetic letters on the refrigerator for your child to fool around with.
� Talk about the sounds different letters make.
� Give alphabet puzzles, alphabet blocks, and books to your child for birthday gifts and other special
occasions.
� Make an audiotape of yourself reading your child's favorite book, so she can listen to it while
looking at the book, when you're not around.
MILESTONE 2: Your child pretends to read simple, repetitive books using his memory.
How to help:
� Point to words as you read books, lists, labels, cards, signs, and even cereal boxes to your child.
� Let him finish a familiar sentence in a book, or say a word that's frequently repeated in a story
every time you point to it (as in "Go, Dog. Go" or "Green Eggs and Ham").
� Tape word labels (such as "door," "chair," or "bed") on different objects around the house, or in
your child's room.
� Teach your child to read her first name by writing it for her, labeling her belongings, and having
her outline the letters (for a sign in her room) with beans, beads, crayons, or other art materials.
MILESTONE 3: Your child realizes that individual printed words represent individual spoken words
and begins to recognize and read a few � such as dog, car, and no, plus his own name.
How to help:
� Read together every day.
� Encourage your child to point to words as he "reads" a book.
� Help her learn to write and identify upper- and lowercase letters.
� Teach him how to spell and write familiar
words and names.
� Play word-related games (as in: "I'm going to eat something on this table that begins with the letter
B. Can you guess what it is?" or "Let's say all the words we can think of that start with the letter T").
� Together, come up with a list of short, simple words that rhyme (such as bat, cat, sat, rat, hat).
Write them down in a column, so your child can see how part of each word is similar.
MILESTONE 4: Your child can read simple, repetitive books using the text or illustrations to figure out
unfamiliar words.
How to help:
� Read a new book aloud several times before encouraging your child to tackle it on his own.
� Listen to your child read and help � if asked � with problem words. Act like it's no big deal if he
misses some. Concentrate, instead, on making the experience fun.
� If your child misses a lot of words while reading, and starts acting frustrated, offer to take over the
reading, or choose an easier book. Never force your child to read a book that's too hard just because
his friends can read it, or his sister could when she was his age.
� Help your child write and read his own stories and books. Accept whatever spellings she uses, even
if it's only the initial letters of each word.
� Get your child her own library card.
Treat your child as though he's an author
Treat your child as though he's an author
He doesn't have to be Hemingway or Shakespeare. All he has to do is grow up thinking that he can
put thoughts and words onto paper. And the sooner he starts, the better.
As with reading, you can help in different ways, at different stages of development. Look for these
milestones, and use these tips:
MILESTONE 1: Your child can scribble or draw a picture and associate words with the picture (such
as, "This is the sun" or "This is me").
How to help:
� Provide lots of materials (paper, markers, crayons, paints, chalk, etc.) and time for drawing.
� Ask your child to tell you about the pictures she draws, and label the objects as she points them
out.
� Ask your child to dictate stories or poems to go with the pictures he draws, and write them down
for him. Then, read his work aloud, exactly as he dictated it.
MILESTONE 2: Your child begins to produce marks on a page that resemble written words, and can
"read" you what he's written.
How to help:
� Encourage your child to "read" you his words, and express your enjoyment ("What a wonderful
story!" or "Thank you so much for sharing that with me").
� Keep providing the materials and time for your child to write her own stories and books.
� Write stories and poems alongside your child, and read to her what you've written (even if you think
it's awful � your child won't judge it).
MILESTONE 3: Your child understands that sounds are represented by certain letters, and begins to
write actual letters to represent real words ("sn" for sun, for instance).
How to help:
� Encourage your child to write notes, keep a journal, or write her own books.
� Offer to rewrite his words or sentences, using the real spellings.
� When reading together, point out how most sentences have the first letter of the first word
capitalized, spaces between each separate word, and a period at the end.
� Mention who the author is when you read books together, and talk about what authors (and
illustrators) do. Point out that when your child writes stories, he's an author, too.
Make math part of her everyday life
Make math part of her everyday life
Leave the flashcards, workbooks, and other skill-and-drill stuff to the teacher. At home, the best way
to help your child learn to love math is to play with numbers, and to frequently point out the various
ways in which math makes our lives easier. By working with tangible objects, and counting, sorting,
estimating, measuring, looking for patterns, and solving real-life problems, children learn to think in
mathematical terms, without worrying whether or not they're "smart enough" to do math.
Almost anything you do that involves numbers and/or problem solving will build your child's math
skills. Here are just a few ideas to get you started:
� Have your child set the table (counting and sorting the sets of plates, napkins, cups, and
silverware).
� Post a running countdown of the days until her birthday. Let her change the number each day.
� Challenge him to guess at things, and then find the answers. For example: How many bowls of
cereal do you think we can get out of this box? How many M&Ms do you think are in your (snack size)
bag? How many minutes do you think it will take to clear off the table? Which of these cups do you
think will hold more juice?
� Play a copycat game, where one person creates a pattern (pat your head, touch your knee, clap
three times) and the other person has to repeat the pattern three times in a row.
� Ask your child to help you create a pattern for a quilt square or an abstract picture using markers
and paper; construction paper in different colors, cut into square, triangle, and other shapes; or
shapes cut out of different fabrics.
� Ask your child to measure things in non-traditional units. For example: Let's see how many
footsteps it takes to get from here to the door. Why do you think it's more for you and fewer for me?
How many action figures (or Barbie dolls) long is this table?
� Have your child compare things: Which do you think is heavier � a cookie or ten chocolate chips?
Who do you think is taller, mom or dad? Which carrot is longer? Fatter? Crunchier?
� Give your child problems to solve � and let her work them out by touching and counting actual
objects. For example: I have four cookies here, but two people want to eat them. How many should
each person get? If we invite six kids to your birthday party, and put two candy bars in each kid's
treat bag, how many of these candy bars will we need?
Teach your child how to listen
Teach your child how to listen
Teachers who've been around for 15 or more years say they've seen a definite decline in children's
attention spans and listening skills since they first started teaching. Many of them attribute it not
only to the fast and entertaining pace of television and computer games, but to the fact that many
children today don't have a lot of time to just sit around, listening and talking to family members.
Between parents' jobs and children's after-school activities, it's hard, sometimes, to get everyone in
the same room for a family dinner once a week.
But being able to focus on what other people are saying is an important element in learning. So,
whenever possible, try to build your child's listening skills. Here are some strategies that will help:
� Read aloud to your child on a regular basis � even after she has learned to read by herself. Ask
questions as you read, to make sure your child is understanding what she hears.
� Limit television, computer, and video game time. While they're all entertaining, and can even be
educational, they tend to promote tunnel vision. Make sure the time your child spends in front of a
screen is balanced by time spent with other people, talking face to face.
� When you speak to your child, make eye contact and gently touch his shoulder or arm, to secure
his attention.
� When giving directions, ask your child to repeat back to you what she heard you say � to make
sure she really did hear, and does understand what she needs to do.
� Model good listening behaviors. When your child wants to talk to you, for example, stop what
you're doing and look at him while he's speaking. When he's finished, say something that indicates
you heard him, even if you only repeat back what he said.
� Play talking and listening games with your child like Charades, Red Light/Green Light, Duck, Duck,
Goose, and Twenty Questions.
� Teach your child that even if an adult is saying something he finds boring, he still needs to listen,
look at the person, and show respect.
� Spend time with your child doing quiet activities that encourage conversation, such as taking a
walk together, taking a ride in the car, folding laundry, picking strawberries, etc.
Support your child's teacher and the school rules
Support your child's teacher and the school rules
Even if you don't agree with them. It doesn't do any child any good to hear her parents say that
school is "a waste of time," that school rules are "dumb," or that what she's learning is "stupid" or
"useless." Your child doesn't have a choice about going to school, so she might as well feel good
about where she's spending her time. She'll be more motivated to work hard and succeed if she
thinks you think that what she's doing is worthwhile.
So even if a school rule seems silly or unfair to you, or you think your child's teacher is dead wrong
about something, don't make a big issue about it in front of your child. Instead, take your concerns
straight to the source.
The key steps toward resolution
The best way to approach a problem or disagreement involving the school is to:
� Make an appointment to see or speak to the teacher. For minor problems and concerns, a
telephone conference may be sufficient. But if you feel the issue merits more serious discussion,
arrange to meet with the teacher face to face. Don't try to corner her before or after school, when her
attention is on the students. Instead, shoot for a time when she can give you her full attention, and is
less likely to be stressed or tense.
� Consider carefully what you want to say before you visit the school. Write down a list of your
concerns, and why they're concerns. Let your list rest for a while, and then go back to it, when you're
feeling calm and rational. Try to frame all of your concerns in the most positive light possible, so you
won't immediately put the teacher on the defensive. For example, instead of saying, "You're not
doing anything to help my child improve in reading," you should shoot for: "I'm really concerned
about my child's progress in reading. I wanted to check in with you to see if there's anything else
that can be done, at school and at home, to help her move forward."
If necessary, practice your spiel in front of a third party, to make sure you don't sound too
threatening. You may feel like blasting the teacher; you may even have good reason to do so. But
your child will not benefit in any way if you alienate her teacher. Try to remember that the best
school solutions come when teacher and parent act as a team.
� When you meet with the teacher, voice your concerns in the least threatening, most friendly tone
you can muster. If you lose your temper, you may lose the chance to be taken seriously. Remind
yourself that your goal is to help your child, not blow off steam. If possible, bring tangible evidence
to back up your side of the story.
� Prepare to listen to the teacher's side. There may be mitigating factors of which you're unaware;
you may have gotten the wrong information from your child; there may be a miscommunication
that's complicating the issue. Try to be � and act � open-minded.
� If you and the teacher cannot come to a mutually satisfying solution, enlist the principal (or the
school's psychologist, or a learning specialist). "I appreciate what you're saying, but I'm still
concerned," you might say. "I'd feel more comfortable if I got another opinion on the matter. I'd like
to meet with the principal." Or, if you're afraid the teacher will take her anger at you out on your
child (this shouldn't happen, but it could), request an anonymous meeting with the principal. If the
second meeting doesn't help, the next step is to contact the superintendent. But only you can decide
whether or
not that's necessary.
Sometimes you just have to accept a less-than-perfect teacher or classroom situation. In most cases,
it won't do permanent damage to your child, and it may even help him develop some healthy coping
skills. Also, sometimes things that upset parents about school don't really bother the students. So
you may want to talk to your child first, before forging ahead with a complaint, or requesting a
transfer for your child. In some cases, moving a child from one classroom to another mid-year would
be worse � from the child's point of view � than having him stick it out with a weak teacher.
On the other hand, you shouldn't feel intimidated by school personnel. If you feel you have a
legitimate complaint (or if your child's health, safety, or welfare is at stake), and your gut keeps
telling you to fight for your child, you should do that. Just try to remember, at every step of the way,
that the less hostility you communicate, the more likely people will be to listen carefully to your
concerns, and work toward a mutually acceptable solution. Let the power of persistence � rather
than the impact of aggression � carry your case.
If the teacher calls you
The steps outlined above should also be followed if the teacher calls you to discuss problems your
child is causing at school. Even if you think the teacher is wrong, or your child insists that she's
innocent, go into the conference with your mind open and your demeanor calm and friendly. Most
teachers aren't "out to get" their students; they genuinely want to make the child's school year a
success.
Tell the teacher everything
Tell the teacher everything
That is, everything that's happening at home that might affect how your child behaves in school.
That includes positive changes (such as the birth of a baby, a move to a bigger and better house, or
even a vacation to Disney World), as well as negative ones (a separation or divorce, a death or illness
in the family, a parent who's lost a job).
It's not that teachers are nosy. It's that most children are not terribly skilled at handling excitement
or coping with changes or stress. And they all carry their baggage from home into the classroom.
Even something little, like a fight with a sibling in the car on the way to school, can affect a child's
behavior or performance at school.
If a teacher knows there's a problem or change at home, she's less likely to react inappropriately
when behavior goes awry at school. Under normal circumstances, for instance, a dip in grades might
prompt a teacher to suggest extra help or tutoring. If she knows that the child just got a new baby
brother, however, she might react instead by pulling the child aside and inviting her to talk about
how she's feeling now that she's a big sister.
You needn't go into all of the gory details of what's happening at home, either. All the teacher
expects to hear is, "I just wanted to let you know that we're moving to a new house next week, and
Allan is pretty nervous about the whole thing" or "If Sheila seems a little hyper these days it's because
her aunt is taking her to her first Broadway play this weekend."
What else do teachers want to know?
� How your child feels about school: Is she unhappy? Does she think it's too hard? Is she complaining
about it at home? Or does she like it? Is there some special activity that she really enjoyed? Does she
talk about the things she learns in school? Most teachers would rather hear about problems sooner
than later, so they can work on turning things around as quickly as possible. They � like the rest of
us � also appreciate a kind or encouraging word now and then. So don't forget to mention the good
stuff.
� How your child feels about school friends: Is she making any? Does she feel like a part of the class
� or an outcast? Is she being teased or harassed? Is she too shy to make new friends? Does she need
to branch out from her one best friend and get to know other kids? In elementary school, there is
still a lot teachers can do to mold social relationships. But they need to know what the problem is
before they can start to solve it.
� What your child's special passions are: Sometimes, a child who is a reluctant reader can be drawn
to books that speak to a special interest, such as sports, or pirates, or ice skating, or animals. Or, a
desire to write may be stimulated by an invitation to describe one of the subjects your child loves.
Let the teacher know if there is something that really motivates your child, so she can capitalize on it
in the classroom.
� What your child's special needs are: That includes anything from allergies to phobias, physical or
medical conditions, learning problems or preferences, special talents, emotional concerns, and
behavioral patterns. If you think an issue might come up in these or other areas, let the teacher
know.
Make sure your child is ready for school
Make sure your child is ready for school
All through elementary school, it's the parent's job to make sure a child:
� Gets to bed at a reasonable hour. That means around 7:30 to 8 p.m. Children who regularly go to
bed later on school nights have a hard time keeping up in school, teachers say. They end up being
tired and grouchy, they're more likely to have behavioral problems, and they aren't able to fulfill their
academic potential. Even sleep specialists are now beginning to believe that certain behavioral and
learning problems among children are the result of undetected sleep deprivation.
The bottom line is that a good night's sleep is the best guarantee of a pleasant and productive day at
school.
� Eats a filling and nutritious breakfast. Children who skip breakfast may not feel hungry when they
first get to school, but according to teachers, they usually hit a slump around mid-morning and can't
keep their minds on schoolwork, until sometime after lunch.
If your child doesn't like the traditional foods kids eat for breakfast, let him eat what he does like.
There's nothing nutritionally wrong with eating pizza or a peanut butter sandwich in the morning.
Or, if all else fails, send him to school with a breakfast bar and a box of juice, so he can get
something in his belly before the first bell rings.
� Wears the proper clothes for both the day's activities and the weather. A kid who goes to school
without mittens, a hat, or boots in the winter may have to sit inside for recess while her classmates
spend their excess energy on the playground. A child who doesn't have shorts and sneakers on gym
day may end up sitting on the sidelines, while everyone else is running around having fun.
Children don't always have the best judgment when it comes to protective clothing. (If it's warm in
the house, they assume it's going to be warm outside, for example.) And they don't always remember
which days they have gym or other special activities. So it's up to you to tell your child what to
expect in terms of weather, and what to wear � or at least bring � to school.
� Labels all belongings. That includes his backpack, lunch box, books, school supplies, art smock �
and any other piece of clothing or personal item that might somehow get separated from him during
the school day.
� Has a lunch or lunch money. Most children aren't thinking about lunch when they run out to meet
the bus or jump in the car in the morning. It's your job to either make it, take it, or remind your child
to remember about lunch.
� Puts her homework in her backpack, to bring to school.
� Remembers to bring special supplies for special days. There's nothing more devastating to a young
child than to be the only kid who forgot his teddy bear on the day the class was having a teddy bear
picnic at school. Or to show up on picture day wearing his rattiest clothes. These are the kinds of
details most kids (and parents) have a hard time remembering. So it's your job to find a way to help
you both stay on top of teacher requests. Hang up a big calendar with important dates circled in red,
for instance, or put up post-it notes on the bathroom mirror the night before a special day at school.
� Knows exactly who will pick her up and what will happen when the school day ends. Children will
worry all day long if they don't know what to expect when that final bell rings. So remind your child
when she's leaving home: "I'll see you at the corner when the bus drops you off at three p.m."
If you
anticipate any change in the daily routine, or in the person greeting your child after school, make
sure you give plenty of notice.
� Gets to school on time � every day. Chronic lateness is not only disruptive to the entire class, it
can make a child feel out-of-step all day. Plus, it sends a message that school is not important
enough to be on time for.
Spend time in your child's classroom
Spend time in your child's classroom
Even if it's only once a year, and you have to take a half-day off from work to do it. All children get a
real thrill when they see their parent in their classroom. It sends a powerful message that you care
about your child, and about her education.
Seeing the classroom firsthand is also the best way for you to get a perspective on what and how the
teacher is teaching, what kinds of challenges the teacher is facing, what the class chemistry is, how
your child fits in within the group, and how she interacts with specific peers. Plus, it will give you a
better idea of the kinds of questions you should ask to draw your child out when talking about
school.
In most schools, you don't need an excuse to visit the classroom. Just ask the teacher if you can
come in and observe. If you want an excuse, volunteer. Teachers are always looking for parents to:
� Share expertise in a particular subject area related to your job or hobbies
� Read to children
� Conduct writing workshops, or help children "publish" their books
� Tutor kids who need extra help, or work with a small group of advanced students in math or other
subjects
� Chaperone field trips
� Sew costumes for a school play, bake cupcakes for a party, or cut out paper shapes for a class
project
� Type up a classroom newsletter or literary magazine
If you have lots of time to give, you might consider:
� Being a "class parent" (the person who acts as a liaison between the teacher and the other parents
� rounding up chaperones for school trips, for instance, or finding volunteers to bake for the class
bake sales)
� Being a playground monitor
� Joining the school's parent/teacher association
� Joining the principal's school advisory committee (if there is one)
� Running for your local school board
At the very least, you should plan to make time to attend:
� Special events to which parents are invited (a Mother's Day brunch, prepared by the children, for
instance; or a Writer's Tea, at which children read their stories aloud to their parents)
� Special school events, such as the annual Holiday Show or Spring Musical
� The school's annual open house
� All of the scheduled parent/teacher conferences
Encourage responsibility and independence
Encourage responsibility and independence
Both of these are essential to independent learning. And both will make it easier for your child to
adjust to the demands of school, and get along with his teacher and classmates. So, whenever
possible, let your child do things for himself � and for others.
For example, encourage him to:
� Play an active role in getting ready for school. That includes picking out school clothes (preferably
the night before), getting up on time (using an alarm clock, if necessary), getting dressed, washing
up and brushing his teeth, getting his own breakfast ready, making up his bed, and checking to
make sure he has everything he needs in his backpack. Once your child is physically capable of doing
these things, let him take charge. If necessary, make him a checklist to help him remember
everything that needs to be done.
� Develop a homework routine. While there's no set formula, it will help if your child has a regular
time and place to do her homework each day. That way she's less likely to forget to do it, and less
likely to fight about doing it "later on."
� Unpack his own backpack. Teach him that as soon as he gets home from school, he should unpack
his backpack, put his homework materials in his homework place, and hand you (or put in a special
place) any newsletters, notes from the teacher, papers to sign, or special work he's brought home.
Then he can watch TV, or have his snack, or do whatever else is planned.
If you make this part of a daily routine, you're less likely to be hit during the morning rush with, "Oh,
no! I'm supposed to bring in cupcakes for the party today" or "Today's the day you're supposed to
come to school for our science fair."
� Pick up her own mess. That includes toys scattered on the living room floor, bikes, and roller
skates left out on the driveway, and wet towels left cold and lonely on the bathroom floor. It may
take longer and require more effort for you to insist that your child pick things up herself, but in the
long run it's better for her than having you always do it. In school, she won't have a choice.
� Get involved in family meals. Young children can set the table or help with the grocery list.
� Perform regular chores that benefit the entire family. Even little things like taking out the trash
regularly will help your child see herself as part of a larger family team. It will also build her sense of
competence and confidence.
Ask your child about school every day
Ask your child about school every day
It isn't always easy to get the scoop on school from your own child. If you ask a perfectly normal,
sincere question like, "What did you do at school today?", you're likely to get the classic response:
"Nothing."
One reason is that so many things happen in the classroom that it's hard for the average child to
answer a question like that. She can't remember everything she did, and even if she could, she
wouldn't know where to start. It doesn't help to ask, "What did you learn at school today?" or "How
was school today?" either. Both will elicit one-word answers ("Nothing" or "Fine"), because they're too
broad and too vague for most children to process.
But it's still important to ask about school, because it teaches your child that school is important,
and that you really are interested in her life. So how can you get your child to open up? Here's what
other parents say really works:
� Don't ask too soon. "When my son gets off the bus, the last thing he wants to do is talk about
school," says parent Mary Mitchell. "He's too busy thinking about playing with his toys or visiting his
friends. So I've learned to let him chill out and play awhile before asking any questions."
� Develop a ritual. "For some reason, the only time my 5-year-old son, Jack, really opens up about
school is when he's taking a bath," says mother Tamara Eberlein. "So every night, when he gets into
the tub, my husband sits with him for ten or fifteen minutes, and Jack tells him everything that
happened at school. He really looks forward to that time with his father."
"For my son, the magic moment is bedtime," says parent Charles James. "He's probably just trying to
stall me, so he can stay up later. But when he's all tucked in and the lights are off, I hear the most
detailed descriptions about school."
� Ask specific questions. "I get the best responses when I ask my son about something I'm pretty
sure he did at school that day," says parent Julie Ritzer Ross. For instance: "Did the teacher read any
new books today? Did you learn any new songs during music class? Who sat next to you at lunch?"
The more specific you can be, the better.
� Read everything the teacher sends home. "The notes and newsletters that come home in my son's
backpack are really the most reliable sources of information," says Charles James. "I find out what my
son is learning about, what's coming up in terms of special events or field trips, what kind of help
the teacher could use in the classroom, and what I can do at home to reinforce what my son is
learning in school. It's not always easy to find time to read them, but it's worth the effort because it
helps me fill in the blanks from conversations with my son."
� Give your child space. Some children like to think of school as their own private world, where their
parents and siblings can't intrude. If your child is like that, don't push. Let him know you're
interested in his school day, and let him approach you if he has anything really important to share.
Then stay in touch behind the scenes with the teacher, to make sure everything's going okay.