My Defining Moment
Purpose: By completing this assignment, you will practice formatting an essay in a five-paragraph organization, structuring paragraphs to reflect effective organization, and using vivid verbs and vocabulary to communicate clearly and interestingly.
Additional benefits: Many colleges require a “personal experience” essay in the admissions process. Developing a dynamic essay will reflect your best academic and personal attributes to admissions boards. You might be surprised, too, how much writing about an aspect of your personal development will empower and refine your own voice.
The details: You will compose a five-paragraph essay entitled “My Defining Moment.” The title of your essay will reflect the content. You should focus on developing a significant incident and its impact on your life. You may choose to take a lighthearted approach and describe a humorous element of your life, or you may discuss a deeper experience that has changed you and your outlook. Whatever you choose to explore should reveal something unique about you. You may want to start by asking yourself, “What has made me the way I am?”
Requirements: Your essay will be organized into five paragraphs. This essay should abide by formal writing conventions (see back). Because this paper is about you, you may find yourself writing in a tone that is a bit more casual or conversational than you would use for a research or analytical paper.
Grading: See the holistic rubric on the back for the final; the rough draft will be primarily quantitative.
Prewriting Activities: Wednesday, August 29, 2011 in the library lab. At the end of the period you should know your topic and have finished a graphic organizer or outline. This will be part of your classwork grade.
Final Due Date: Wednesday, Sept. 12 by 4 p.m. to turnitin.com
Rough draft due date: Wednesday, Sept. 5 at the beginning of the period(we will be working in groups this day)
Lab Schedule:
Wednesday, Aug. 29-period 4 library lab, period 5, 117A ( prewriting, graphic organizer)
Thursday, Aug. 30-period 4 117A, period 5, library lab(first rough draft)
Friday,Aug. 31-period 4 117A, period 5, 117A(work on first rough draft)
Tuesday, Sept. 4 - Thursday, Sept. 6 both periods 4 and 5 in 117A(work on second rough draft)
Monday, Sept. 10 - Wednesday, September 12-both periods 4 and 5 in 117A(final due at 4 p.m. on Wednesday)
Five-Paragraph Format
I. Introduction
A. Opening statement (quotation, attention-getting feature, or statement indicating topic)
B. Explanation of opening, transitional statements that prepare reader for thesis
C. Thesis statement (in a personal essay, a statement indicating the event or personal change your paper will address)
II. First body paragraph
A. Topic sentence
B. Supporting details
C. Summary/ transitional statement
III. Second body paragraph
A. Topic sentence
B. Supporting details
C. Summary/transitional statement
IV. Third body paragraph
A. Topic sentence
B. Supporting details
C. Summary/transitional statement
V. Conclusion
A. Rewording of thesis
B. Summary remarks revisiting main features of essay
C. A link back to your intro – paper should come full circle
Formal Writing Conventions
1. Avoid contractions.
2. Use one verb tense throughout, unless you have a logical reason to switch between past and present tense.
3. In this paper, you will need to use first person (I, me, my, we…), which is atypical in formal writing. However, you should not use second person (you, your).
4. Avoid passive voice by making sure the subject completes the action of the verb.
5. Minimize the use of “being” verbs (am, is, are, was, were, be being, been). Sometimes a writer can eliminate being verbs by using adjective or appositive phrases. Often being verbs and passive voice cause strings of prepositional phrases at the ends of sentences, ultimately resulting in a weak style.
· Ex.: Shakespeare’s Hamlet is dominated by a sense of the main character’s brooding over the nature of man in society.
6. Utilize various phrases and clauses to achieve an effective and fluid style that places emphasis where needed.
Grading Rubric
____/20 Paper’s body paragraphs are organized effectively and transition ideas smoothly.
____/20 Paper’s content is clearly focused and insightfully presented.
____/20 Paper uses vivid and varied vocabulary.
____/20 Paper is free of most errors in grammar and mechanics.
____/10 Paper is formatted correctly.
____/10 Paper demonstrates a unique and interesting point of view.
In movies and books, people often describe a defining moment when they figure out who they are. However, I never thought it actually happened in real life. I never expected to have a “moment” of my own. When it arrived, mine was much more powerful than I could have ever imagined.
During the spring of my junior year, my class watched a documentary called “The Invisible Children.” It was about three college students who take a trip to Africa and document their experience. At
first the film was slightly humorous; the filmmakers clearly had no idea what they were getting into. One said at the beginning, “I don’t really know what to expect. I hope we don’t, like, die or something.”
However, once the group arrived in northern Uganda, the mood changed. They learned what the consequences of a 23-year war had been for thousands of children. Many had lost family and friends, some had younger siblings who were captured by the rebel army and recruited as child soldiers, others had no home and slept in alleys too cramped for us to comprehend. There was footage of night commuters and child soldiers, many younger than me.
Before long, I was sobbing. I just kept thinking,
What have I been doing with my life? I couldn’t believe these things were happening, yet at the same time I knew they were. I just hadn’t been paying attention. For 17 years I was blissfully unaware in my little bubble of Salt Lake City, Utah.
When the movie ended, I couldn’t get it out of my head. Later at swim practice it was hard to understand how my teammates could laugh and joke after what we had just seen. When I got home that night, I tried to tell my parents about the film, but I couldn’t get the words out. I hiccupped and choked my way through a description and what I thought I had to do now. I was able to convince my parents to donate $300 to The Invisible Children (I am still repaying them $20 a month). I went into my room and drew a big A on my white board with a circle around it, the following day I went looking for a job to save money for a trip to Africa.
For the next week, I was not myself. Every bite of food I took I thought of Grace, the 15-year-old who was eating for two. When I went to bed, I pictured Sunday, the 14-year-old boy sleeping on a straw mat on the ground in a displacement camp. My whole perspective shifted.
Since that day, I haven’t been able to picture my future in a way that doesn’t involve going to Africa and doing what I can to help. Ultimately, this is why I decided to major in engineering. When I found out about the Engineering Without Borders program, it was as if the clouds in my head cleared and sunshine burst through. After the initial shock of discovering what I wanted to do with my life, I could see myself accomplishing everything that had now become so important to me. I could not only go to Africa, but I could use my education and skills to make a difference.
With an engineering degree, my potential for change will be limitless. I will build wells, schools, and houses. I will design irrigation systems and orphanages. Engineering is tough, but I know – in what Yeats called “my deep heart’s core” – that this is what I’m supposed to do with my life.
