The One Year Plan
Parent's Guide for Helping Children Succeed in School
By Jim Fay
1. Love and Logic parents remember that parents can't teach for teachers and teachers can't parent for parents. Remember that teachers and parents can't learn for kids no matter how much we love them.
2. Show the same amount of love for your children regardless of their success in school.
o Show sadness rather than anger when they have trouble at school.
3. Expect your children to do their share of the chores at home.
4. Spend some time each day talking with excitement about your work and your day. They will want to imitate you and will soon begin to talk about school and their day.
5. Take turns reading to each other every day.
6. Have your children teach you something they have learned at school. Do this once per week.
7. Encourage your children to do things that "charge their batteries." Encourage them to try many different activities as a way of discovering interests and talents.
Remind them that they will build their careers around their talents, not around their weaknesses.
1. Provide a time and place for homework. Expect that they will study. Allow them to study either by writing the assignments or thinking hard about them for a reasonable amount of time.
o If they decide to study by thinking instead of writing or reading, have them think of a plan for explaining it to the teacher.
o Support the teacher to handle this:
1. Don't fight with children over the homework.
2. Don't fight with the teachers over the grade or consequence.
3. Tell your children that you will love them regardless of their grades or the number of years it takes to complete each grade.
2. Don't pay your children for good grades and don't punish for bad grades. Be excited about the good grades and sad for the children about their bad grades.
3. Have your children bring home papers.
o Look at the right answers instead of the wrong ones.
o Don't correct the wrong answers—leave this for the teacher.
o Have your children explain the reasons for the answers being right. If they don't know, give them three choices:
1. You cheated?
2. You tried hard?
3. You are getting smarter in that subject?
4. Expect this Love and Logic program to take about one year before you see good results. Remember that children who have a hard time at school need to get away from it for a while each day. More homework and problems at home about school won't help.
o Don't complain to teachers that they should give this child more homework.
o Use this program instead and you will see amazing results in one year.
o Fight with your children and their teachers about homework and the problem will still be there in years to come.
1. Love and Logic parents remember that highly successful people put most of their efforts into their talents and maintain minimal standards on everything else.
No More Homework Battles
Six Tips For Helping Kids Fall in Love With Learning
By Dr. Charles Fay
Battles over reading, writing, and arithmetic too often drive a wedge between parents and their kids. Many times these ongoing conflicts give youngsters a distaste for learning and send parents to bed at night wondering, "What are we doing wrong with this kid?"
The following tips are dedicated to creating happier homes, where children are free to fall in love with learning and parents no longer dread homework hassles:
Tip #1: Each evening, set aside a time for family learning.
This is a time for your children to do their homework and for you to model the value of learning by enjoying a book. The best way to create a love of learning in your kids is to show them how much you enjoy it.
Tip #2: Avoid battles by offering choices.
Research shows children are more likely to do their homework if they are given many small choices. For example:
· Would you rather do your homework right after school or wait until four o'clock?
· Are you going to do your homework in your room or at the kitchen table?
· Are you going to do all your homework right now, or are you going to do half now and the rest after dinner?
Tip #3: Help only when your child really wants it.
There is nothing that creates more homework battles than parents who "help" when help is not wanted. Try asking:
Would you like some ideas on that, or would you like me to leave you alone?
Your child's desire to do it alone is a very healthy sign of independence and responsibility.
Tip #4: Spend most of your time noticing what they do well.
DO NOT focus on what your child does wrong! Allow your child to get help in those areas from their teachers. Successful parents spend 99 percent of their energy noticing what their kids do well. They say things like:
· Show me the very best letter you made today. You really worked hard on that!
· Look at that math problem. You got it right!
Tip #5: Help only as long as it's enjoyable for both of you.
Too frequently, homework help turns into a homework battle. Smart parents back out of the helper role as soon as they sense conflict brewing. Try hugging your child and saying:
I love you too much to help if it means we are going to argue. I know this is really hard. Good luck.
Tip #6: Help only as long as your child is doing most of the work.
Say the following to yourself over and over again:
This is my child's homework. Not mine!
There is nothing more destructive than stealing the struggle of learning by doing too much for your child. Each time they achieve something difficult on their own, their self-esteem soars and they are better prepared for the real world. Give these Love and Logic tips a try, and join thousands of parents who now have much happier, more responsible kids!