Is Your Teen A Textaholic? How many text messages is your teen sending and receiving per day? According to the Nielsen Company, the answer is about 80. Yep! Eighty text messages in one day…not in a year…but just one day! It makes my brain…and thumbs…and wallet hurt just thinking about it. To make matters even scarier, a study by AAA recently reported that 46% of teens admit texting while driving. Ouch! Maybe these studies are flawed, causing these numbers to be inaccurately elevated. Anything's possible. Let's say that teens only send and receive 40 texts per day…and that only 23% of them admit texting while driving. Yikes, that's still high! Data like this tempts me to do some pretty ineffective things with my kids. These include quitting my job so that I can follow them around all of the time, using duct tape to restrain their thumbs and fingers, moving the family to a cell-phone-free zone within the Arctic Circle, yelling, screaming, etc. Particularly with teens, all we really have control over is: How we act around them What we provide for them Rather than moving to an igloo, it's far wiser to model responsible cell phone use and to set firm limits over who pays for the phone. This might sound like, "Honey, you may have a phone when you can pay for it. If it will help any, you can just tell your friends that your parents are so old fashioned that they think that talking face to face with your friends is better than texting. And…by the way…we love you and would miss you if you died while texting behind the wheel." For more tips on navigating teenage trials, get your hands on our Teen Package. If it doesn't completely change your life, return it for a full refund. Thanks for reading! Dr. Charles Fay Skipping Classes Toby was admitting to his mom that he had skipped one of his classes six times. "Oh, no," responded Mom. "You're going to fail that class." "No, Mom. I'm not going to fail. You worry about everything. It's no big deal." "Wait a minute," she answered. "The school rule says that five unexcused absences earn a failing grade." "Don't worry, Mom. I'm covered." "Wait a minute. You didn't commit forgery, did you?" "Yeah, Mom. But it's no big deal; everybody does it." Believe it or not, Mom called a national talk show asking for advice about how to handle it without letting Toby fail the class. If I were to ask you about this, you'd probably tell me that Toby needs to face the music. He needs to confess and learn from the situation. And you would be right. Toby's mother can either stand between his bad decision and the consequences, or she can stand beside him, supporting him as he learns from it. She can't do both. I'd suggest that she say to Toby, "What a sad situation, Toby. How do you want to confess? Do you want to do it in person, in writing, or would you rather have me help you by going with you to the principal's office? I bet you might like a hug right now. I know that I do." Raising teens takes courage. Thanks for reading, Jim Fay Importance of Empathy What's the very most important Love and Logic skill? EMPATHY! Understanding why is fairly simple. Consequences delivered with empathy create responsibility. Consequences delivered without empathy create resentment. So we have a choice: Will we raise responsible kids…or resentful ones? Will we end up in a nice nursing home or a nasty one? Yes. Understanding why empathy is the most important skill is simple. Empathy preserves the relationship and makes it very hard for our kids to blame us for their poor decisions. Really using sincere empathy…on a consistent basis…is the hard part! We've spent over two decades studying people who've been successful with this. What do they have in common? They use just one empathetic statement… regardless of what consequence they must provide. That's right. They keep it simple! They also pick one that fits their personality and culture. Some folks always precede consequences with, "That is so sad." Others prefer, "Oh, man…" Some parents say, "What a bummer." Others prefer, "Bless your heart." Tape this note on your bathroom mirror as a reminder. Thanks for reading! Dr. Charles Fay