Adversity is a natural part of life. At some point, we all face
difficulties, such as family problems, serious illness, a personal crisis,
or a painful loss. Being resilient is important to dealing with adversities
like these. While most parents hope that their children never face extreme
adversity, successfully facing tough situations can actually foster growth
and give children the skills to be more resilient in the future.
Most people have a natural tendency to adapt and bounce back from adversity.
However, parents can help their children learn to face challenges
successfully, whether it is the stresses of everyday life, such as academic
difficulties or problems with friends, or severe adversity, such as losing a
home and being displaced from normal routines for months. Following are five
ways to promote resiliency in your children and help protect them from long-
term ill affects of difficult experiences.
1. Think positive!! Modeling positive attitudes and positive emotions is
very important. Children need to hear parents thinking out loud positively
and being determined to persist until a goal is achieved. Using a “can do”
problem-solving approach to problems teaches children a sense of power and
promise.
2. Express love and gratitude! Emotions such as love and gratitude increase
resiliency. Praise should always occur much more often than criticism.
Children and adolescents who are cared for, loved, and supported learn to
express positive emotions to others. Positive emotions buffer kids against
depression and other negative reactions to adversity.
3. Express yourself! Resilient people appropriately express all emotions,
even negative ones. Parents who help kids become more aware of emotions,
label emotions appropriately, and help children deal with upsetting events
are giving them useful life skills.
4. Get fit! Good physical health prepares the body and mind to be more
resilient. Healthy eating habits, regular exercise and adequate sleep
protect kids against the stress of tough situations. Regular exercise also
decreases negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, and depression.
5. Foster competency! Making sure that children and adolescents achieve
academically is great protection against adversity. Children who achieve
academic success and who develop individual talents, such as playing sports,
drawing, making things, playing musical instruments or playing games are
much more likely to feel competent and be able to deal with stress
positively. Social competency is also important. Having friends and staying
connected to friends and loved ones can increase resiliency. Social
competency can even be created by helping others.
Protecting our children against all of life’s unexpected painful events is
not possible. Giving them a sense of competency and the skills to face
adverse circumstances can be a valuable legacy of all parents. Resiliency
can be built by understanding these important foundations. The more we
practice these approaches; the better able our children will be to weather
whatever life brings.
