Top Fifteen Summer Reading Essay Errors (and How to Fix Them)

1.  Titles  The title of your essay should reflect your thesis and should mention the book’s title, but it should not be a complete sentence. 

No:      “Lancelot Is Not Chivalrous”

            “Le Morte d’Arthur”

            “A Bad Knight”

The following would be good titles for a paper on whether or not Lancelot is chivalrous (notice how all the words that we might be tempted to use as verbs have been turned into nouns):

Yes:     “An Examination of Lancelot’s Chivalry in Le Morte d’Arthur”

            “Lancelot’s Violation of the Code of Chivalry in Le Morte d’Arthur”

            “Lancelot’s Chivalrous Behavior in Le Morte d’Arthur”

2.  Thesis  The thesis appears at the end of the introduction and answers the question posed by the prompt you chose.  Although it should be kept as simple as possible, the thesis will state your take on the prompt and also mention the topics of your support paragraphs.  The support paragraphs will each start with a topic sentence confirming the topic of that paragraph.  If you don’t have a thesis, you don’t have a roadmap to direct you to the logical end of your essay.  Several essays were turned in without theses, and they inevitably got “lost” along the way.

3.  Introduction  You are aiming for a delicate balance between the general and the specific in the introduction.  You should begin with general comments that relate the topic of your essay to life in general, but by the second or third sentence should connect those general comments to your novel.  Introduce the novel and the novel’s author as though the reader does not know ahead of time what novel you read (in this case I didn’t).  Some essays jumped right in with specific details and began talking about the book immediately, sometimes without naming it.  Others got to the thesis without ever mentioning the book.  Make sure that you have mentioned the novel by the time you are halfway finished with the introduction.

4.  Verbs  Keep your verbs in the present tense.  If you are trying to distinguish between something that happens at the moment in question in the novel and something that happens earlier, use a present tense verb (has, have) with the past participle (usually the verb +ed, sometimes irregular as in "broken" or "torn"):

No:      Gene discovered that Finny didn’t turn on him.

            Gene discovers that Finny had not turned on him.  (Better, but the second verb is still past tense).

Yes:     Gene discovers that Finny has not turned on him.  (Both discovers and has are present tense).

            Keep your verbs active.  Avoid passive voice when possible.  It has been discovered . . . and It is assumed are weak.  You can make the reader the subject if you don’t know how to phrase your sentence using only third person pronouns.  The reader discovers that Gene has only imagined Finny’s competitiveness with him is better than It is discovered that Gene has only imagined Finny’s competitiveness with him.

Third Person Point of View 

5.  Do not use first person pronouns (I, me); they detract from the strength of your essay (they make it sound like you’re not sure if you’re right). 

Which would you take more seriously—if I told you, “I think you should write in complete sentences on your essay,” or “You must write in complete sentences on your essay”? 

Adding in my opinion or I think to a sentence makes it sound like you secretly doubt that you are right.  Of course, every piece you write will be your opinion, but the key is to make it sound as authoritative as possible.  If you want to indicate that something is a guess on your part, add perhaps to the sentence.  Perhaps Finny allows himself to fall knowing that an injury will keep him out of the war. 

6.  Do not use the pronoun “you” to refer to either the reader or people in general.  Which one of these paragraphs sounds better?

You might agree that mentioning “you” doesn’t sound very good in an essay.  It’s hard when you’re trying to make something sound good, and you just want to write “you” to talk about life in general.  However, you will do better on your essay if you don’t. 

            The use of the familiar “you” detracts from the overall message of an essay.  When discussing life in general, writers should use third person nouns and pronouns such as “one,” “a person,” “he,” or “she.”  In this manner, they will write a better overall paper.

The basic difference between these two paragraphs (aside from the choice of pronouns) is the tone.  The first paragraph has a familiar tone that one might use with friends.  The second sounds almost like a textbook.  When writing an essay, unless the topic asks you to give your opinion or tell a personal narrative, you should use a formal tone.

7.  Do not use the plural pronoun “they” when speaking about one person. 

No:  When a person is betrayed, they want revenge.

Traditionally, it has been acceptable to use masculine pronouns (he, him) to refer to an unknown person.  When a person is betrayed, he wants revenge. 

Recently there has been a push to avoid gender specific pronouns.  One wants revenge after a betrayal. 

This has caused some people to use they to refer to a single unknown person as in the example above.  However, they is a plural pronoun and therefore must be used with a plural noun.  When people are betrayed, they want revenge. 

Others suggest alternating between he and she.  Sometimes something happens in a person’s life to change him forever.  When a person is betrayed, she wants revenge. 

The choice is yours as long as your pronouns and antecedents agree.  Using person/he or people/they is the easiest.

8.  Contractions  Avoid the use of contractions (can’t, doesn’t, won’t, etc.) in formal writing.  Instead, write them out.  Cannot can be written as one word, but the others are two words:  does not, will not, etc. 

9.  Formatting  Check your computer’s settings; the margins are sometimes set at 1.25 inches.  Change them to one inch.  Double space by going to Format, then Paragraph, and selecting Double under line spacing.

10.  Quotations  You should weave quotations into the middle of sentences in the middle of paragraphs.  They should not open a paragraph because that means you do not have a topic sentence for that paragraph (the only exception to this rule is the introduction which may begin with an applicable quotation by a well-known person).  The majority of quotations should be less than one sentence long and should appear naturally as a part of one of your support sentences.  Occasionally you may insert a whole sentence or more if it says what you want to relate better than you can.  Block quotations (longer than four lines on the screen when you are typing your paper) should be used sparingly and must be indented (all lines are indented one tab space).  You do not use quotation marks because setting it as a block indicates that it is a quotation.

            Example of including a quotation as part of a sentence:  Gene admits that he “killed his enemy” while at the Devon School (256).

            After you include a quotation, explain how it relates to your thesis.  Do not assume that the reader immediately sees what you saw when you read the sentence.

            Quotations should not be used for plot summary; they should only be used to support your thesis.

11.  Connecting Sentences  Two sentences/independent clauses cannot be joined by a comma alone; the comma must be followed by a conjunction (and, but, or, nor, for, so, yet).  You may also use a semi-colon or begin a new sentence.

            Remember that the purpose of conjunctions is to conjoin (think of how conjoined twins are stuck together).  Therefore, the conjunctions and, but, or, nor, for, so, and yet cannot begin sentences because they have left behind one of the sentences they were supposed to conjoin.   However, for and so can begin sentences in other contexts.

Yes:  For the love of a woman, Lancelot gives up seeing the grail.

No:  Lancelot gives up seeing the grail.  For his love is stronger than his desire to be pure.

Yes:  So that Finny will not be abandoned, Gene changes his mind about enlisting.

No:  Gene changes his mind about enlisting.  So Finny won’t be abandoned.  In this example, the first “twin” (sentence) is okay, but you’ve left the second twin without the vital organs it needs to be a sentence and have created a dreaded fragment.   

12.  Plot Summary  When writing an essay about a piece of literature, assume that the reader knows the plot.  You do not need to explain who characters are or what happens in the story.  Only mention the incidents which prove your thesis and explain how they do so.  You should not spend more than two sentences at one time explaining an element of the plot.  On the other hand, a few essays were too vague.  Be specific when mentioning events from the novel. 

13.  Less is More  If you include unnecessary information in your paper, you will lose points in the composing category.  It is better to have short paragraphs that are full of “meat” than to have long paragraphs that are rambling and confusing.  If you are not sure what to say in your support paragraph, you need to go back to the drawing board.  Only write your essay when you know what each paragraph is about and how it supports your thesis.

14.  Formal Language  There will be times for less formal and more creative writing throughout the year.  An analytical essay, however, should be written in a serious and formal tone; it is not a conversation between friends.  Do not write sentence fragments even if you like the way they sound.  Do not use slang or informal English.

15.  Trust Yourself  You bring your own ideas and experiences to the literature that we read, and you have something unique and valuable to say.  When you are deciding upon a prompt, choose the one that makes you go, “Hmmm” the most.  There is no right or wrong answer as long as you have understood the book and the prompt.  If you don’t understand the book or the prompt, see me before proceeding.

Some Lesser Errors:

Prepositions:  Prepositions require the use of objective case (whom, him, her, them, us, me) pronouns.  Instead of placing the preposition at the end of the sentence or phrase, place it at the beginning of the prepositional phrase and use the correct pronoun after it.

No:  Brinker is looking for somebody to enlist with.

Yes:  Brinker is looking for somebody with whom to enlist.

Adjectives:  Adjectives such as “good” and “bad” are boring and non-descriptive.  Use more specific adjectives.

No:  Gene feels bad after Finny’s accident.

Yes:  Gene feels guilty after Finny’s accident.

Repetition:  Unless you are using repetition as a device to drive home your point, avoid using the same words over and over again.  If the same word or phrase is underlined throughout your paper, then you should rephrase the subsequent passages.